Turtle Head

When you get home after a long day needing to take a gargantuan shit and so you run to the toilet and knock over your kid in the hallway and slam the bathroom door shut and wait for that sweet sweet moment when you gloriously defecate all over the bathroom but instead end up straining your asscheeks for an hour only for a tiny ass piece of shit to slightly poke its way out of your asshole. That piece of shit is called a turtle head and know you have to choose to behead your turtle either by straining your asscheeks closed or pulling the piece of shit out with your fingers and now your hand smells of ass and your kid is crying in the hallway and you still have to make dinner and oh fuck why am I still alive

Mom: Jimothy, alight from your dwelling in order to receive nutrition handcrafted by your own mother.
Jimothy, tearfully: Mother, how I wish to fulfill that which you have requested of me! But alas, I am unable to, for I am stuck in the predicament of having to deal with a Turtle Head!
Mother, wailing: Jimothy, my dear beloved son! How I weep for you! How I mourn! That you should have to deal with such an ordeal! I am so deeply sorry, but alas, am unable to help.

by BaddSpelur October 31, 2019

Turtle kid

A turtle kid is a kid who is super chill but has a crackhead sense of humor and has a bad obsession with their turtle and probably something else. Overall, a good friend to have, just don't get them on the topic of turtles or they'll never shut the hell up.

Person one: hey did you see Jerry over there, does he always stare at his turtle lovingly like that?
Person two: Yeah, Jerry is such a turtle kid

by mizukei November 27, 2020

Turtle Boobie

Synonym for idiot; stupid

Did you see that? He is such a turtle boobie!

by parrots and ponies March 12, 2021

Homosexual Turtle

A college-aged, Caucasian male individual with an overtly long neck and deep-throating skills made for sucking dick. He has yet to come out of his shell completely.

Taylor: You should go out with Blake M...
Me: I can’t, you know he’s a Homosexual Turtle!

by Trumpette.xxx May 6, 2021

turtle head

When a dick is so small, that it appears it to look like a turtles head poking out of its shell.

Boy 1: Man, my balls are really cold right now.

Boy 2: Yeah, same. I hate when I a get turtle head

by MedicatedSloth July 13, 2022

Turtle Up

To go on the defensive. To make oneself incapable of harm or damage.

Can be used in a literal or figurative sense.

1. When losing the game, he chose to turtle up, giving himself an opportunity to comeback.

2. The opposing boxer decided to turtle up and wait for the striker to tire himself out before striking back.

by Finest Gentleman June 15, 2022

The Turtle's Kiss

When a man manufactures a dump so perfect that as it glides over his prostate it causes mild to moderate sexual release.

Bill: "Hey Steve. I did a huge dump this morning which was so perfect that I almost had a orgasm"
Steve: "ah, I see you have experienced the majesty of The Turtle's Kiss"

by Souper Rare April 28, 2022