closet hick

someone who doesn't appear to share the same physical traits or language as a hick, but demonstrates similar behavioral characteristics and intelligence regardless of income level or professional status; an emerging icon of the twenty-first century that has caused a plethora of ignorance, injustice, retroactive retardedness across many professions and a state of arrested development in mind, body and spirit; low-quality or the entire lacking of humor; a straight laced, highly anxietic, religiously-fundamental, fear-driven man or woman who relies on the daily news and their perspective church sermons to pat them on the butt and tell them they're good people without having to exert any effort or sacrifice to aid their fellow man

The financial analyst may preach and glut about his latest understanding of the numbers, but deep down he's just another closet hick run by the tricks and traits of baby-boomer Bob.

by chickenclutch November 11, 2010

closet raiders fan

A fan who is to ashamed to be associated with the raiders. If he is found out, he will usually point to the five super bowls that they won over 50 years ago.

guy 1: dude you're a raiders fan?

guy 2: yah i didn't want 2 admit it cause i thought i would be mocked i was a closet raiders fan

guy 1: dude raiders suck

guy 2: no dummy we won five super bowls over 50 years ago that must make us good

guy 1: (sigh)

by thevoiceoftruth October 3, 2013

Closet Overachiever

A co-worker that lures you in to thinking that mediocrity is commonplace at the office. Just when you think you are both on the same page he or she will make look bad by putting together elite spreadsheets, cutting edge PowerPoints, and insightful talking points at meetings.

John: Where is Lindsay? She normally takes a 2 hour lunch with us?

Jim: Oh you didn't know? Turns out she is a closet overachiever.

by TR DUDE November 21, 2013

Closet dick

A male who appears to be friendly but turns out to be a massive asshole when you really get to know him

I thought he was a really nice guy, but he's secretly a massive closet dick.

by fooddetector December 14, 2014

closet straight

A male who acts and talk as if they are flamboyantly gay but, not.

Hey bro, I don't go down like that. I go down like this. Come on man, don't you have a wife and kids? Yes, it's not like I'm gay, I'm just closet straight.

by Chef boy ar Gee December 31, 2014

closet sociopath

Someone who seems really chill and relaxed but periodically suggests something very dark or unnerving.

"Jill seems like a real closet sociopath. Every time we play D&D she suggests torture."

by GlueBank February 28, 2017

piss closet

A bathroom

Watch my beer for me, I gotta run to the piss closet.

by dick fitzentite December 9, 2009