John

A middle aged fat guy who spends his days unemployed, getting drunk, and making everyone around him feel awkward. Most likely divorced and his kids act like he doesn’t exist. He is probably single and trying to hit on women at the bar that he will never have a chance with, or remarried to the first loser who settled for him while still doing that. He is always asking friends or family for loans to buy stuff he can’t afford. He is commonly seen wearing a white t shirt at the lake, an oversized watch to keep up the false appearance of a lifestyle he doesn’t have, or driving an oversized truck/SUV he can’t afford. He acts like a corporate big shot and tries to strut around like he owns everything, but can barely make it 20 feet without gasping for dear life. Avoid John and guys like him unless you like losers who mistake their extra body mass for muscle.

“My husband is a dick to the kids, a dick to me, a dick to everyone, but without him I can’t have the house we can’t afford and will have to move back in with my mom.”

“Girl same! Looks like we both have a John. Oh well. Not many options when you’re a 50 year old single mom, but how else can we afford rent nowadays?”

“I went to order a drink from the bar and that fat guy got in my face, trying to flirt with me. His wife was talking to some friends a couple tables away.”

“I see that guy in here every couple nights. Surprised the stool isn’t broken yet.”

by Make feather hat get fat February 5, 2024

john

john is a femboy that is very submissive and very breedable. you can preorder from the insta page fish.and.chips.nigga
he comes with a bdsm pack containing dildoes of different sizes and various strapons for you to use. condoms arent includded

john is delicious

by fishandchipsniggers February 26, 2024

John

John’s are typically around 5’8 with curly blonde hair, they are compulsive liars, addicted to smoking weed and vaping, they can be critical and a bit of an asshole. John juniors are especially the worst, they typically enjoy wearing crocs, enjoys looking at men over women, usually they have green and gold eyes (hazel)

You’re getting on my nerves, quit being a John.

by #1 John hater December 2, 2023

John

John is a disrespectful compulsive liar, addicted to smoking, usually about 5’8 curly blond hair with green and gold(hazel) eyes. Usually an asshole

You lie to much, don’t be such a John

by #1 John hater December 2, 2023

John

Another name for a noun. Most commonly used jokingly. (Person, place or thing)

“Man look at that John” “yeah that John huge!”

by Fartkocker124 December 7, 2023

John

A destroyer of expectations and Johns hate them. Quiet and brilliant when he wants to be, but also loud and insane. Extremely talented but never shows it, can be greedy but shares with those he loves. A John just doesn't care because in his eyes you were unworthy, a John is better than you. A John doesn't speak to you because he's scared, if he did talk to you, it was either for necessity, pity, or for a slim few, respect. Women are lucky for a John to take interest in them because a John will be a golden retriever boyfriend who can also control you and take care of you the right way. A Johns memory is better than a crazy ex-girlfriends. A deuce, hear him out, you will agree with him and hate yourself for doing so. A John will also make you feel the most insane orgasms and genuinely makes you feel like he cares about you in both bed and wherever else, and he genuinely will care about you. Most likely a closeted racist/ anti-homosexual. A Johns politics are heartless but right, because of how handsome or funny they are you will just go along with it anyway because you want to be privileged enough to touch him. A John is able to admit when he’s wrong and change. A John will end up getting over it so fast that he will end up living in your head while he's already been on the next thing for a while. A walking contradiction. A John hates the spotlight but finds themselves drawn to it. A John is a demigod on earth who could lead us to greatness but feels like we don't deserve it.

Guy 1: That dude's such a bitch.
Guy 2: Be careful man, guy's a total John, you better hope he didn't hear you.
Guy 1: Really? What's gonna happen?
10 minutes later... (Explosion)
Guy 1: HOLY SHIT MY CAR EXPLODED

by Nannerzona December 7, 2023

John

People with this name somehow manage to look like every single zoo animal all at once. They also have a tail.

"Let's go to the zoo!"

"Why, we already have a John!"

by JohnHater6942069 December 11, 2023