Petty Masturbation

The act of masturbating to fully clothed people or simply to the idea of something.

Jack: Man that girl so hot, I'm ready to get my petty masturbation on
Ralph: I prefer the naked girls but you do you

by Mothonator January 4, 2015

Flag

Get the Petty Masturbationmug.

Mentally Masturbating

Adjective: A state a mind where you seem aloof but brain function is occurring.

Just so you don't think I was mentally masturbating all day here is that excel spreadsheet you requested.

by patmyballs July 10, 2009

Flag

Get the Mentally Masturbatingmug.

Mental Masturbation

Manipulating usually flirtatiously yet without doing any actual sexual acts in order to get what you want.

AKA: ‘Hoeing without using your holes’

Just send a pretty girl to go scoop up that check. He won’t tell her no...
#mental masturbation

by FreakyFelonFriday February 6, 2021

Flag

Get the Mental Masturbationmug.

Masturbation Technician

Someone whose job it is to jerk people off for medical reasons

When I grow up I want to be a masturbation technician

by Bigdickpreston September 20, 2016

Flag

Get the Masturbation Technicianmug.

Panic Masturbation

The act of masturbation right before an impending tragedy or catastrophic event. Leads to a brisk and usually unsatisfying climax.

Ryan: did you hear about the new findings in flight 97 black box?
Kevin: nah man
Ryan: apparently several passengers broke out in a furious panic masturbation session during the nosedive

Kevin: how were the climaxes?
Ryan: brisk and usually unsatisfying

by Ryan McKevin July 24, 2013

Flag