loch ness monster

An unidentified animal living in Loch Ness, the largest body of fresh water in Britain. It first came to the attention of the general public in the thirties when a London surgeon R.K.Wilson took a photo of what looked like the head-and-neck of a dinosaur-like creature. What with The Lost World and RKO's King Kong in the cinema, there was an explosion in public interest. The monster's image, however, was to be forever tainted by the pantomime which followed, in which a game big hunter called Wetherall came to Loch Ness and discovered footprints on the shore. The tracks turned out to have been made by a hippo foot, which was some kind of ashtray or other keepsake. What kind of a big game hunter couldn't work out that they were all hippo tracks made by the same foot I don't know, but he left Loch Ness. In 1994 the now-famous surgeon's photo turned out to be a fake, a model on a toy submarine made by Wetherall - revenge on the world that mocked him. Over the years there have been a number of photos and films of unidentified creatures in Loch Ness. Some have been proved as fakes (to be honest, I wasn't surprised when the surgeon's photo turned out to be a fake. I'd always thought there was something odd about it). But there is still strong film evidence and a lot of eye-witness evidence to support the existence of a long-necked animal of some kind. Modern scientists often dismiss eye-witness evidence as non-evidence. I'm glad they're not running the judicial system, otherwise they'd have every prisoner released. What doesn't help is a decidedly vulgar merchandising industry which has turned the monster into nothing more than a theme park attraction. The official Loch Ness exhibition centre now officially doesn't believe in Nessie anyway. Their cinema now shows visitors a film telling of all the reasons why Nessie is a hoax, accompanied by silly music. You leave the cinema at the end of the film and are then confronted by a shop selling plush Nessies, Nessie mugs, china Nessies, Nessies with tartan hats and endless other over-priced junk. Personally I'm sure there were unidentified animals in Loch Ness until recent years. I think, what with their proven sensitivity to noise, and what with Loch Ness now covered in countless noisy boats of every shape and form, that whatever was in the Loch has either died out or returned to the sea never to return. Either way, I think it's better for the welfare of these creatures that their existence is never proved.

Newsflash, 3/4/2011:
The existence of long-necked creatures in Loch Ness has been proved. Now every science laboratory in the world wants one to dissect. Every zoo wants one, and every gourmand in the world wants to taste the flesh of one in some revoltingly over-priced restaurant.
Within the year, the loch ness monster will be as dead as dodos and Stellar's sea cows.

by StormSworder August 16, 2006

Cookie Monster

When a man becomes so enraged when practicing oral sex on a woman, he screams "COOKIES!" and proceeds to attack and bite the vagina repeatedly, all while muttering "Om nom nom nom nom"

Last night, Dan went all Cookie Monster on my pussy!

by NickTesla May 25, 2010

four legged shower monster

Though often forseen as inappropriate in an educational environment, a four legged shower monster is the act portrayed by two sets of legs in a single shower. though often thought of as somebody with excess limbs, a four legged shower monster is actually two separate human beings, sporking in the shower.

I thought that kid was a four legged shower monster, turns out he was pounding vag. I'm lovin this breakfast sausage.

by the big dipper February 20, 2009

Monster Dunk

When any person at any height jumps over three feet in the air, dunks with two hands and bends the rim down so hard that it causes the whole basket to shake and possibly the backboard to shatter.

Shaq did a Monster Dunk it so hard that he brought the whole basket down and destroyed it

by sexmachine32 October 24, 2010

milk monster

A baby,small child still on the bottle or breast

here comes anna with the milk monster in the pram

by sandmaster October 19, 2003

geet monster

synonym for the term 'crack head'

I just got chased down the street by 3 geet monsters when i wouldn't give them a dollar

by J.R. September 6, 2004

Flog The Monster

To masturbate;Male only; To give pleasure to ones self by Strokeing ones Private area.

Dude, i flog the monster 8 times a day! My wrist hurts!

by Dj JynXx June 11, 2006