windows update

The way Microsoft finds out that your copy of Windows is pirated

"Windows Update" has determined that your installation key is not valid, and therefore setup cannot proceed. Contact your system administrator for more information.

by DaveK September 6, 2003

Windows 11

If you're reading this, please switch to GNU/Linux before microsoft turns you into a microsoft zombie

News Report: Windows 11 turns another person into a zombie, eating the brains of those who don't exclusively use Microsoft products

by Lovethecreeper October 4, 2021

Windows 8.1

It's Windows 8 but usable and actually good and gets even better with Windows 8.1 Update 1. The start button is back, there's now an all apps view on the start screen, search just searches (before it took you to a different screen, and you had to select what category you were searching in, now it's just a bar that shows up on the right side of the screen and searches everywhere by default), you can boot directly to desktop without going to start, you can use your desktop wallpaper on start, and much more plus more is still being added. You also get used to the metro interface and if you don't like it, Microsoft is adding the old start menu back in Windows 8.1 Update 2. However, it still feels like a beta and Windows 9 will probably be the next god-tier OS like Windows XP and 7, but it's a step in the right direction and feels like you're using a PC and not a tablet.

Windows 7 user: Windows 8 sucks
Windows 8 user: Yeah I want to downgrade to Windows 7
Windows 8.1 user: Why haven't either of you upgraded to 8.1 yet?
Linux user: Why are you guys still using Windows?

by blue_orange July 10, 2014

Windows 2000

A much user-friendlier and hardware supportive version of the Microsoft Windows NT family of Operating Systems. Windows 2000 while not officially declared as NT 5.0 is basically just Windows NT 5.0 with Plug and Play support, EFS, NTFS 5.0 and a host of other features that are not available in Windows NT 4.x.

Windows 2000 is the best microsoft operating system available right now.

by Gary Destruction August 28, 2003

windows update

The thing I always cancel, yet seems to appear with a message when I shut down that says Windows Update "(not responding)"

Oh damn, windows update is not working again. Who Cares. "Would you like to send an error report?" Hell no!

by michiganwolverine February 2, 2004

Windows F'ed in the A

On newer computers with Windows 2000 and XP, there is a keyboard shortcut "Windows + F". This shortcut will bring up a search window when pressed once. When held, however, multiple (into the hundreds and even thousands) of search windows will appear. The time held directly correlates with the number of search windows to appear. When held long enough, the computer may crash and may even need a restart. This is something done in many schools to screw around and pull a prank on a fellow, and later on, pissed off, classmate. It also adds an extra shock when one turns off the monitor making an unsuspecting victim.

Teachers are always stumped when they see this dilemma, and usually suggest restarting, thinking the computer just freaking out.

Uneducated users also don't know "Ctrl + W" and "Alt + F4" can be held to very quickly get rid of this problem. However, these shortcuts will not solve the problem if it is held long enough to crash.

Teacher: Why don't you come up to the board and show us this model.
Student 1: *Walks up to board*
Student 2: (Whilst student 1 is at board) *Presses and holds "Windows + F" for an extended period of time, then turns off monitor*
Student 1: *Walks back and turns on monitor, seeing the hundreds of search windows* "Son of a biiiitch, I got Windows F'ed in the A"

by Peacesack April 1, 2007

Windows Moment

A 10-15 second period of total unresponsiveness encountered when using a PC running any version of Microsoft Windows. Traditionally occurs several times an hour. Just long enough to become disturbing and annoying, not long enough to inspire a reboot. Generally the mouse continues to move. When the moment ends, the user is usually left to deal with the consequences of the keys they struck in frustration while it was ongoing.

Sure, I'll pull that up right now. Ummm... Dammit, my computer's having a Windows Moment. Hang on.

by Al Benedict August 4, 2007