Santa Clause

A stalker of small children.
A pervert of the kids.
A slave Driver of the elves.
A thief of the cookies.
A legal immigrant to the world.
A rebel without a cause.
Have you ever wonder what happens to children that wake up to find him?
He rapes them then bashes there heads again the chimney.
He watches you, Everywhere.
Him and God are bother helpless stalkers.
What do we do to this flying, fat, red blob of jolly madness?
I say we touch his jolly ass.
He's obviously a terrorist.
He isolates his workers so no one from our outside world could know,
That Santa has a thing for the butt.
Unscramble Santa.
And you get Satan.
Santa is the Devil.
Santa toke over Jesus Christs Birthday.
It's cause Santa is Satan.
He even wears Satan's theme color.
Red.
Also the color of Blood.
Scared Yet?
You should Be.

Santa Clause:: Ho Ho Ho, Merry Christmas!
Kid:: I want a hot wheels toy set!
Santa:: I want to show you the toys in my master bedroom that has padlocks on the doors
Kid:: Yaaay!

by Hawkington =]] February 2, 2008

clausophobia

An anxiety disorder characterized by an irrational
fear of Santa Claus. The signs of clausophobia usually develop early in life during childhood. Signs of clausophobia include: automatically and compulsively looking for exits when sighting a fat bearded man in a red suit or feeling fearful on hearing Ho-ho-ho.

The most common type of treatment for clausophobia involves mental health counseling targeted to overcoming the fear and managing triggering situations.

Different types of strategies include:

* Relaxation and visualization techniques designed to calm the fear when in a clausophobic environment
* Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), an approach that involves learning to control the thoughts that occur when confronted with the fear-inducing situation in such a way as to change the reaction
* Relocating to Tehran

At the sight of Mr Ferguson, the PE teacher, dressed in a red velvet suit with a pillow stuffed in the top of his trousers, the little girls were struck by clausophobia and backed away in abject terror.

by Ria Bacon December 20, 2005

chause

an action against another person when they really piss you off
usually a cross between a chop and a swift kick in the belly

that teacher failed me im gonna have to chause her wicked hard dude

by little papa April 29, 2008

natural causes

Bullshit explanation of death given for very old people.

Son: What did gramps die of?

Dad: He died of natural causes.

Son: Yeah, right.

by dogbreath34 March 4, 2015

Claustrophobia

An intense, abnormal fear of Santa.

Oh, God, no! It's Claus! RUN, HE HAS HIS ELVES WITH HIM!

by Aldo Shabadoo February 7, 2004

Pussy Clause

If somebody uses lame excuses to get out of things or situations that they "pussed" out of.

Jim "dude i so could take you!"
Tim "Bitch Please! lets go!"
Jim "idk.... my toe hurts... i can't fight now... but i could take you any other time!"
Tim "Dude... seriously don't try to use the pussy clause on me! Get the sand out of your vag."

by omniphile/phobe August 21, 2009

The Santa Clauses

The clauses which detail Kris Kringle under the North Pole Act of 1436.
Clause 1, Subsection A states that: Saint Nicholas must manufacture a wide variety of games, tools, and miscellaneous objects for children under the age of 12 in all countries of the world.
Clause 1, Subsection B states that: Saint Nicholas must do so for eternity, without pay, and must aquire the following traits: Obesity, A long white beard, a red suit, a fondness for burnt cookies and warm milk.

Evil Little Boy: "Where are my presents?"
Mom: "You were naughty this year, so Santa didn't bring you any."
Evil Little Boy: "Na-uh! According to Clause 1, Subsection A and B, of the Santa Clauses, Santa is required to bring me my demanded presents!"

by Assasinof6 March 11, 2010