by whiteman June 10, 2005
Raptor Jesus appeared before me, and he said: "Take heed my son, for there shall be many who doubt me, but whosoever believeth in me shall have everlasting life." I wept with joy at the gift bestowed, "Yet, my lord, what fate shall be given to the unworthy?" He answered: "Their entrails shall be rent from their stomachs, their limbs ripped from their torso, to feast our hungry bodies, and restore our souls. Whensoever you feast upon the heart of thine enemy, think of me." For that is the beauty of Raptor Jesus.
One day, Raptor Jesus walked a busy street with his disciple, Anonymous. Anonymous and his like-named brethren populated the land on which they strolled, as common as blades of grass. They walked, discussing many things, but, Anonymous paused for a moment. “Lord?” he spoke, “Is not this idle talk frowned upon by your father?” And quoth Raptor Jesus; “All voice communicates knowledge. Knowledge is hardly frowned upon by anyone, and thus your ‘idle talk’ does not exist, unless you speak of memes. Memes are idle, as they are merely communication of things all know of” And thus our Lord beckoned to a painting of an insanely smiling man. “However, memes can bring laughter and happiness, thus, one can surmise that He enjoys them, and hardly frowns upon them” And Anonymous looked ahead, silent.
by Anon Divad December 07, 2007
by d5 and d3 April 12, 2000
When you're absolutely wasted and can't get your dick up, but you need to fuck a chick. You pray to Jesus for a solid erection and he comes through like a bro.
Q: Hey, what are you doing in church?
A: I was smashed the other night but needed to fuck this chick, so I prayed and God tossed me the greatest Jesus Boner I've ever had. Now I feel obligated to go to church.
A: I was smashed the other night but needed to fuck this chick, so I prayed and God tossed me the greatest Jesus Boner I've ever had. Now I feel obligated to go to church.
by Thefuckersattheendofthetable November 15, 2016
We love you junkyard jesus, make love to me junkyard jesus, please.
You may think he is an every day Joe becuase he works at walmart but the truth is he is Junkyard Jesus.
You may think he is an every day Joe becuase he works at walmart but the truth is he is Junkyard Jesus.
by lendf8930 April 18, 2011
Kidnapping of a Jesus Christ or Baby Jesus figurine from a nativity scene—also defined as Creche-robbing.
An alleged Jesus-napping was reported on New Year's Eve from St. Matthew Roman Catholic Church's nativity scene. The Baby Jesus figurine was reportedly worth $30. Police believe the Creche-robbing occurred between 8 p.m. on Dec. 31 and 10 a.m. Jan. 1.
by PoliceBeat January 15, 2012