Raptor Jesus appeared before me, and he said: "Take heed my son, for there shall be many who doubt me, but whosoever believeth in me shall have everlasting life." I wept with joy at the gift bestowed, "Yet, my lord, what fate shall be given to the unworthy?" He answered: "Their entrails shall be rent from their stomachs, their limbs ripped from their torso, to feast our hungry bodies, and restore our souls. Whensoever you feast upon the heart of thine enemy, think of me." For that is the beauty of Raptor Jesus.
One day, Raptor Jesus walked a busy street with his disciple, Anonymous. Anonymous and his like-named brethren populated the land on which they strolled, as common as blades of grass. They walked, discussing many things, but, Anonymous paused for a moment. “Lord?” he spoke, “Is not this idle talk frowned upon by your father?” And quoth Raptor Jesus; “All voice communicates knowledge. Knowledge is hardly frowned upon by anyone, and thus your ‘idle talk’ does not exist, unless you speak of memes. Memes are idle, as they are merely communication of things all know of” And thus our Lord beckoned to a painting of an insanely smiling man. “However, memes can bring laughter and happiness, thus, one can surmise that He enjoys them, and hardly frowns upon them” And Anonymous looked ahead, silent.
by Anon Divad January 2, 2008
Get the Raptor Jesusmug. way the fuck out there
by d5 and d3 April 11, 2000
Get the East Jesusmug. That one fly generally in the house, that no matter how hard you smack it with the fly swatter seems to live (and fly away)
by jalama oma September 12, 2013
Get the Jesus flymug. by Marzocchi66 December 3, 2007
Get the by da jesusmug. A sports reporter's awkward, stammering reaction after a seemingly innocuous question is greeted with a completely unsolicited Bible-Thumping answer: see Erin Andrews' interview with Josh Hamilton at the 2009 MLB All-Star Game or any interview ever with Kurt Warner.
Susie Kolber: Kurt, I see that you are wearing new cleats tonight, any comment?
Kurt Warner: Without the grace of our risen Lord Jesus Christ there would be no cleatts, praise His name.
Susie Kolber: yes...umm...of course...uhhh...back to you Berman!
Ladies and Gentlemen, the Jesus Jitters!
Kurt Warner: Without the grace of our risen Lord Jesus Christ there would be no cleatts, praise His name.
Susie Kolber: yes...umm...of course...uhhh...back to you Berman!
Ladies and Gentlemen, the Jesus Jitters!
by rak5877 July 13, 2009
Get the Jesus Jittersmug. 
Jesus Zipper, the line of skin that goes from the base of your man stick (penis) straight down and around your pill pouch (scrotum) all the way to your brown star (anus).
The term Jesus Zipper was coined by AJ Styles after a mishap in the ring that left him straddling the ropes in an unceremonious fashion. During an interview he said "I landed right on my Jesus Zipper."
by Rattleshark December 7, 2016
Get the jesus zippermug.