Kleenex & Q-Tips

Kleenex & Q-Tips are what you hand someone who needs to clean himself up after finally extracting his head from his ass.

Roger in procurement finally put in the order for that equipment we have been asking for to increase production for the last 8 months.

Did you get him some Kleenex & Q-Tips? He's had his head up his ass since he first started working here, and it looks like he's finally seen the light of day.

by Kahoki February 1, 2009

to push the Kleenex across the desk

To pretend you care about someone’s loss by making a perfunctory or meaningless gesture. This comes from the common experience of a Human Resources manager pushing a box of tissues across the table to a employee he/she fired.

Jimmy: Damn her. She told me she doesn’t want to be her girlfriend, but we that we can still be friends.
Tyler: Wow, it was pretty fake of her to push the Kleenex across the desk.
Jimmy: Yeah, she doesn’t care. She’s blowing some other guy.

by The Dumpstress March 24, 2020

valentine shame kleenex

2ply girlfriend-in-a-box usually found on the floor in a ball on February 15th.

I can tell he didnt have a date, he must have watched love actually by himself last night, look at all the valentine shame kleenexs all over his room.

my gf never puts out on valentines day, but its okay i left a valentines shame kleenex in her purse.

by Mediocre Mr Fox February 15, 2010

a serious box of kleenex tissues

its when someone has got SERIOUS ISSUES n r just completely weird as fuck, with no care or even realise what they say or do is funny but strange

oh my god how funny was emma lastnight, shes off her her head, shes mad! she comes out with some fucked up shit dunt she!
yea she aint all there in the head, she was well makin me laugh she was just doin weird shit, yea shes always like that though isnt she! yea shes got a serious box of kleenex tissues mate!

by SAMANTHA AND NICOLA November 15, 2006

The Great Moroccan Kleenex Shortage of 08-09

In March of 2008 the demand for Kleenex's in Morocco increased at an unbelievable rate. The Moroccan King asked for everyone to stay calm. He attributed the increase in demand for Kleenex to Peace Corps volunteers spending too much time in their masterbatorium, spanktuary, spank schack, whack shack, jack shack, flip n jack, finger hut, spank cave, spank wagon, cumgeon, cum station, lunch punch, stroke boat, spank bank, corner of crank, jerk hut, masturbation station, spankmobile, homostead, spank shed, and master barriums. In particular, undercover sources attibute the increase to one "King of Crank" J-Lub (known for exceptional stroking form.) When asked for comment, J-Lub simply said "whatever dude, I'm gonna go listen to some music." The King has told people to hold strong. The King also claimed that supplies are expected to return to normal around the time of Tallstacks 2010.

Oh man, I shouldn't have ate all that spicy couscous. Now I can't blow my nose due to The Great Moroccan Kleenex Shortage of 08-09

by Pedro2010 December 29, 2009

kleenex cocktail

The instance in which a man (or men) sneeze and ejaculate into a tissue in no particular order and place the tissue into a stranger's alcoholic drink, to therefore create the Kleenex Cocktail.

Bill: "Yo I've got this used tissue here."
Mike: "Alright gimme a few seconds and well have a Kleenex Cocktail." <enters bathroom>
Bill: "Put it in Tommy's 40!"

by Sweggy Zack June 20, 2014

Kleenex kid

A way of describing someone that lives a parasitical existence , that serves little to no purpose , so much so ? There father should have deposited them into a tissue the day they were conceived

Look at Dave , he can’t even change his own tire his father had to come an do it , such a Kleenex kid

by Scratch Legba February 22, 2023