Congress

Do-Nothing Fucktards who couldn't solve a problem if it was eating them alive anus first.

If Congress isn't stopped, it will bring about complete economic collapse.

by The Daily Show April 29, 2013

Congratufellations

Obtaining oral sex for doing something notable or successful.

"Hi honey, I'm home! I got promoted at work today - I do believe congratufellations are in order".

by Persona1600 March 29, 2009

Congressional Calculator

The Congressional Calculator is much like Obamanomics, it's calculations that don't add up in the real world yet people buy into strictly based on the source of the info. The Congressional Calculator is used anytime things don't quite add up but fits the agenda du jour. It's like adding 2+2 and getting minus 4 billion.

"Great news! Government Healthcare just passed which should decrease the deficit by about 2 Trillion!!" "ah, I love the Congressional Calculator, I'm gonna go buy a new 'vette."

by dirtykurty September 8, 2010

Congrats on Your Gradulations

A message of over enthusiastic, usually alcohol fueled, well wishes when you are trying to over compensate with your Big Guy Energy, while doing your best to relate to someone much younger and more hip than yourself.

Drunk Golf Fan: Hey there fellow hip youngster! Hope you are having as much fun today as we are!

22yr old cashier: Not really.. This is just a side job because I graduate from college in the Fall.

Drunk Golf Fan: Oh wow! Well, uh, Congrats on Your Gradulations!

22yr old cashier: Yeah…. Thanks..

by Falcon Thunder Fist June 23, 2021

Congressed

Getting fully, totally, irredeemably screwed. Made popular by the complete decimation of the India's Congress political party in national elections.

I got badly Congressed at work.

by bora_am May 19, 2014

Congasm

Male equivalent of pretending to orgasm or “faking it” — especially in a virtual environment.

CONGASMS occur after 20 minutes of failed attempts to jerk off your petite pornstar cock to an (often drunk, trans or fat) egirl you sexpested for half a day. Usually a congasm is preformed in order to spare your very satisfied partner from feelings of insecurity or suspicion.

This method can be a useful way to dispel rumours that you are actually a homosexual male living in New Zealand.

Named after famous kiwi troll and legendary discord playboy CONGASM who claims to have faked 90% of the hundreds of esex encounters they’ve had.

Person named Samir: “Did you just have esex with that tranny Laith?”

Person named Laith: “Don’t worry, I totally had to congasm after I realized they weren’t another man. I’ll die a virgin bro. Shiiiiet.”

by Esqsendtoes October 18, 2022

Premature Congratulation

Where you wish people happy *event* (birthday and such) earlier than it actually is

Premature Congratulation. Mother's day was sunday, I showed up at my moms house with flowers on saturday .

by CheeseGames June 3, 2017