MARK: "I don't think I'll ever be able to face my family again"
DAVE: "Shit, what happened dude?"
MARK: "Well, last night as I was pouring myself a hand-shandy, the cat walked into my room and jumped on my lap, just when I reached my vinegar strokes"
DAVE: "I'm sure he'll get over it"
MARK: "But that's not the worst part; before I could clean him off, my little sister ran in and grabbed him. Later I saw the cat walking around with a mohican while my sister kept saying something about becoming a pet stylist"
DAVE: "Wow. That truly was a masturbatastrophe"
DAVE: "Shit, what happened dude?"
MARK: "Well, last night as I was pouring myself a hand-shandy, the cat walked into my room and jumped on my lap, just when I reached my vinegar strokes"
DAVE: "I'm sure he'll get over it"
MARK: "But that's not the worst part; before I could clean him off, my little sister ran in and grabbed him. Later I saw the cat walking around with a mohican while my sister kept saying something about becoming a pet stylist"
DAVE: "Wow. That truly was a masturbatastrophe"
by Chud Brunner October 30, 2011
Get the masturbatastrophe mug.1. When someone gets a super stiff boner from playing Mass Effect 1, 2, or 3 and/or looking at one of the many female characters or their respective sex sences.
2. A person who gets a hard-on from playing any of the Mass Effect games.
2. A person who gets a hard-on from playing any of the Mass Effect games.
by drity_d December 12, 2012
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Noun: A man who constantly subconsciously pursues women who are unattainable or more so not girlfriend material at all. And through this process suffers heartbreak repeatedly due to the combination of lack of self confidence, paranoia, the need to please and on the females part and outstanding combination of mind games, misread-able flirting and leading on. Broken at that point the man continues to pursue romance with another similar candidate as the previous as if he enjoyed the pain.
Ex: "Aww man David likes Jane?! He's such a Melancholy Masochist, she's gonna fuck him over just like Tina, Molly, and sandra did. and then he's gonna break down and do it again.
by the pain of atlas January 21, 2010
Get the Melancholy Masochist mug.If you’re a girl this one is for you :)
When I’m home alone / in bed and I get super horny, I lay down and gently put my hand down my pyjama bottoms and into my underwear, running two fingertips in a circular motion on my clit to get me nice and wet. Usually I’m thinking about my boyfriend when I’m doing this but sometimes I look on urban dictionary for some really steamy definitions. I slip two fingers into my hole and pump them inside for a few seconds-a minute until I’m gasping for breath. Then, I take out my blanket and put it underneath me (because cum stains do not come off) and reach for my hairbrush. I rub my clit more and then insert my hairbrush into my tight hole, moaning slightly as it stretches me out a little bit. When I’m wet enough I go faster, the subtle ridges on the brush providing the stimulation that I need. When I’m about to cum I pull the hairbrush out and reach for my vibrator. I turn it on to the first setting (we’ll change the setting later) and place it firmly on my clit, moving it around to find that special spot. By now I’m gasping for breath and moaning and the hairbrush is back in my hole, reaching my g-spot right at the back. I pump my hips up and down like I’m actually being banged, turning the vibrator up a setting to increase the vibration. The motion of the hairbrush and the vibrator make me squirt on my blanket and I moan my boyfriends name and catch my breath afterwards.
When I’m home alone / in bed and I get super horny, I lay down and gently put my hand down my pyjama bottoms and into my underwear, running two fingertips in a circular motion on my clit to get me nice and wet. Usually I’m thinking about my boyfriend when I’m doing this but sometimes I look on urban dictionary for some really steamy definitions. I slip two fingers into my hole and pump them inside for a few seconds-a minute until I’m gasping for breath. Then, I take out my blanket and put it underneath me (because cum stains do not come off) and reach for my hairbrush. I rub my clit more and then insert my hairbrush into my tight hole, moaning slightly as it stretches me out a little bit. When I’m wet enough I go faster, the subtle ridges on the brush providing the stimulation that I need. When I’m about to cum I pull the hairbrush out and reach for my vibrator. I turn it on to the first setting (we’ll change the setting later) and place it firmly on my clit, moving it around to find that special spot. By now I’m gasping for breath and moaning and the hairbrush is back in my hole, reaching my g-spot right at the back. I pump my hips up and down like I’m actually being banged, turning the vibrator up a setting to increase the vibration. The motion of the hairbrush and the vibrator make me squirt on my blanket and I moan my boyfriends name and catch my breath afterwards.
My whole family’s gone out - guess it’s time to masturbate!
This definition made me horny - where’s my vibrator?
This definition made me horny - where’s my vibrator?
by MrsSpookyBitch7 March 1, 2021
Get the Masturbate mug.Predominant figure amongst cocksmen. Responsible for instructing, directing and leading those who dedicate their lives to cocksmenship.
by estimablesir January 11, 2009
Get the master cocksman mug.a Masturbationalist, is simply a person who finds that masturbation is the answer to all problems in the world.
bob: Hey, jim, why dont you join us masturbationalists?
jim: yeah? and how would that solve all the existing problems these days?
bob: thats a good question... you'll just have to masturbate to find out, eh?
Jim: hm... sounds good.. i think i will join the masturbationalists, then
bob: good move..im sure you'll like it
jim: yeah? and how would that solve all the existing problems these days?
bob: thats a good question... you'll just have to masturbate to find out, eh?
Jim: hm... sounds good.. i think i will join the masturbationalists, then
bob: good move..im sure you'll like it
by Krimson~ November 3, 2006
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