Canada's History

The most depraved sexual act known to mankind kept as a hidden secret from Canada to preserve its' innocence. In detail, the ******** are inserted into ******* using the ******* with ******** moose antlers ****** **** ***** maple syrup **** ***** around five times ***** *** ******* until the **** ***** affectionately called "the Mounties" use **** ***** all over the ****. The resulting **** ***** *** ****** are then used as lubricant for ******** **** **** into ****** **** **** with ***** **** **** Stanley Cup.

I can't believe we just did Canada's History.

by EvilLepper February 5, 2010

Canada's History

a sexual act designed to tell a story through symbolic devices: specifically in this case, that story is the history of Canada. As an element of foreplay, the man pours some maple syrup on the woman's body, and licks it off of her abdomen, breasts, nipples, and vulva in that respective order. In honor of Samuel De Champlain's voyage by canoe through Lake Nipissing, the man rubs is penis lengthwise along the woman's vulva, and she bears down hard to spray his genitals with her urine. Then the man and woman perform oral sex on each other, burying their faces in each other's pubic hair, representing the fur trade. The man has intercourse with the woman doggy style, while slapping her buttocks vigorously, representing the French and Indian Wars. He also fists the woman's vagina; however she subsequently fists the man's anus; this exchange represents the War of 1812. After this point in history, Canada is known mostly for participatory, but not pivotal roles in world affairs. Therefore, any combination of missionary position and fingering are used to bring the woman to orgasm, representing the post-WWII prosperity of the country. Finally, the man ejaculates all over the woman's face, representing the sovereignty of Quebec.

Wife: I just feel like there isn't any excitement in our sex life, eh.

Husband: I think it's that we just don't have enough energy after all our other responsibilities, eh, the kids, work.

Marriage Counselor: Like I haven't heard that a trillion fucking times, eh!! You two should learn Canada's History like any responsible citizens would! Now get the fuck out and fuck!!!

by Guffaw February 5, 2010

canada history

Defined by Stephen Colbert of the Colbert report("Coal-bear Re-pore") as a sex act that uses Moose antlers (including the skull), maple syrup, and the stanley cup. This sexuall act is performed when two gay french canadians give eachother hot maple syrup enemas, and then release maple syrup covered fecalmater into the stanley cup. Soon after said gay french canadians battle to the death with moose antlers and reach arounds........the survivor gets a large serving of french fries and gravy for pleasing the canadian moose god (a.k.a. the maple moose)

1-"Man frank sure is walking funny".

2- "He must of had too much "canada history" last night"
1- "ahhhh so thats why his farts smell like maple syrup, and french fries with gravy".

by Red A. Massive February 5, 2010

Canada's asshole

A nickname for the state Alaska, which is located west of Canada in the middle of frozen nowhere.

"Sarah Palin is the governor or Canada's asshole."

by ThrasHmatiK January 3, 2009

canada cook

Canada Cook is when you're at a party and you tell a girl that you're from another country, such as "Canada", to sound more intriguing than you really are.

I think it's about time to pull a Canada Cook

by Tom Vlach December 7, 2007

Canada's asshole

while some see this as Alaska, it is more commonly known as Justin Bieber.

dude did you see Canada's asshole piss in that bucket.

eghh... yeah,
thanks Canada:/

by schap September 17, 2013

Canada's history

This terrifying, little-practiced sex act requires elaborate staging and great acrobatic strength. First, the nude, submissive participant stands before the Stanley cup. The submissive lowers their head into the cup. The dominant participant approaches from behind with a decanter of warmed maple syrup, which is poured liberally onto the head and genitals of the submissive. Using thinly-sliced Canadian bacon as a prophylactic, the dominant penetrates the anus of the submissive with the body part or object of their choice, while simultaneously scoring the submissive's back with the antlers of a moose. Coitus ensues. Traditionally, the climax of either partner is marked by shouting the name of the band Rush's singer and bass player, "Geddy Lee!"

Right after my partner marked me with the Dirty Sanchez, I retorted with a Canada's history.

by dragonfucker February 6, 2010