simulated blumpkin

A solo version of a blumpkin usually performed by jerkin it while taking a dump. It is usually performed by a Cringelord to the memory of some unrequited love. If the performer is short a couple ribs, either through surgical means or birth defect, may also be done full-simulation style.

Person A: Hey man, where did Cringelord go? he isn't bothering your friend again is he? I mean he's been after her so long when she's made it clear she just isn't that into him.

Person B: Nah, he just went to take a dump.

Person A: Oh, so he's doing a simulated blumpkin?

Person B: Yup...

by evilleppy June 13, 2020

The Lone Blumpkin

When you are flexible enough to give yourself head while taking a shit on the toilet.

I was bored one day so i decided to do the lone blumpkin. Twas very steamy.

by therealtomkiely January 12, 2012

Hobo Blumpkin

The seductive art of performing oral sex on a homeless person while they are simultaneously feasting on the contents of your dinner's to-go box.

I really wanted to give the homeless guy an Hobo Blumpkin but he doesn't eat pork.

by kdbamaman November 11, 2012

Russian Blumpkin

When you sit on a crouching girl (or guys) face. And she (he) licks your asshole while giving you a reach around hand job.

"Dude, me and like 20 friends just stood in line for an hour to get a russian blumpkin."

by Lusk1993 February 21, 2010

velveteen blumpkin

A combination of the VELVETEEN RUB /// Getting a blow job from a woman or man who has removed a full set of dentures. A toothless blow job. And a BLUMPKIN /// Receiving oral sex while taking a shit.

see also: crumpkin

also see my favorite ;) Blumpkin pie

As the old man sat down to take a shit,the old broad popped out her dentures and said what the hell I might as well earn my keep, and suck his nasty,wrinkled, shriveled, pale old cock while he takes his morning dump.it's been a few years since I performed the old VELVETEEN BLUMPKIN, she thought to herself.

by stogie66 October 23, 2009

The Blumpkin Man

The epitamy of greatness. Has an amazing theme song. The one who gets 4 Blumpkins. He shall always be remembered as this name.

Person 1: Hey dude, did you hear that guy got a Blumpkin?

Person 2: No fucking way!! What a studd!!

Person 1: I know right !! He got like 4 of them from that Boy Hopper!!

Person 2: Dude that guy is The Blumpkin Man!!

by ajizzleforizzle October 14, 2011

blumpkin hat

to have a blumpkin performed and then proceed to dip your partners head in the toilet(aka a swirly)

yo dude i gave carrie the nastiest blumpkin hat last night!

by gfn March 16, 2009