John

A middle aged fat guy who spends his days unemployed, getting drunk, and making everyone around him feel awkward. Most likely divorced and his kids act like he doesn’t exist. He is probably single and trying to hit on women at the bar that he will never have a chance with, or remarried to the first loser who settled for him while still doing that. He is always asking friends or family for loans to buy stuff he can’t afford. He is commonly seen wearing a white t shirt at the lake, an oversized watch to keep up the false appearance of a lifestyle he doesn’t have, or driving an oversized truck/SUV he can’t afford. He acts like a corporate big shot and tries to strut around like he owns everything, but can barely make it 20 feet without gasping for dear life. Avoid John and guys like him unless you like losers who mistake their extra body mass for muscle.

“My husband is a dick to the kids, a dick to me, a dick to everyone, but without him I can’t have the house we can’t afford and will have to move back in with my mom.”

“Girl same! Looks like we both have a John. Oh well. Not many options when you’re a 50 year old single mom, but how else can we afford rent nowadays?”

“I went to order a drink from the bar and that fat guy got in my face, trying to flirt with me. His wife was talking to some friends a couple tables away.”

“I see that guy in here every couple nights. Surprised the stool isn’t broken yet.”

by Make feather hat get fat February 5, 2024

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