Jesus

Died on the cross for my sins so that I may be forgiven and gain the free gift of eternal life.

Billy: Mike, you *bleepin'* *bleep*, haven't seen you in 10 *bleepin'* years! How you been?

Mike: Well Billy, I'm actually a Christian now... and a pastor at that!

Billy: Well I'll be damned!

Mike: You don't have to Billy, Jesus can save you!

by Mr. Goodbar X85 October 18, 2008

Jesus

A good answer for pretty much anything.

Billy: Hey Tom, what's the answer to #2?
Tom: Jesus.

by Allie, that Greek kid. December 7, 2006

Jesus

A generally cool guy who can make a mean apple crumble.

Me: Damn Jesus, this is some tasty shit. You've got to give me yo' recipe!

by Sammy The Giant Mammory Gland July 2, 2009

jesus

Jesus saves sinners...

and redeems them for valuable cash and prizes

by buttonfly June 13, 2003

jesus

christians saviour. Gods son.

my #1 homie above everyone else

by SMgangsta760 January 13, 2005

Jesus

Nice guy, with good ideas. Often called "Jeebus" in jest. Stressed kindness and forgiveness towards others, and leading an all-around good, virtuous life. One of the most interesting philosophical thinkers in history, and certainly one of the most quoted. Also, as seen on urbandictionary.com, he's apparently a lot of people's homeboys.
I'm not sure if he necessarily wanted his followers to condemn other faiths, or tell people that "If you don't believe in God, you'll burn in Hell, and I don't want that, so please please please believe in God", as in the case of "Read the bible and learn" who posted an earlier definition. He preached of mankind's free will, so I don't think he wanted that being taken away from us...
Anyways, he was a man who lived a truly moral and virtuous life. Christians see him as a god, non-Christians either see him as a prophet or a moral person who lived a good life, stoners see him...all the time... and UD Christians see him as a "homeboy"

Sweet Zombie Jesus!
--or--
Holy Monkey Jeebus!

by Atticus April 23, 2005

Jesus

I am tired of everyone bitching and arguing about what color Jesus was. HE WAS NOT BLACK OR WHITE HE WAS MIDDLE EASTERN!!!!!!!! By the way middle eastern people are more closely related to white people so stop being asswipes! HE WASN'T BLACK

I am damn tired of people telling me jesus was black, he was middle eastern.

by superninjapenguin December 14, 2008