To perform the Lorenzo Von Matterhorn, here's what you'll need: basic knowledge of website design and a very unique fake name. So, think of your fake name right now. Have you got it? Good.
Now, select your target, preferably a girl with a real nice phone.
The dialogue that follows should go something like this.
You: "Yeah. It's me."
Girl: "Do I know you?"
You: "I'm Lorenzo Von Matterhorn."
Girl: "Are you, like, famous, or something?"
You: "Yes... You really don't know who I am, do you? What a refreshing change of pace. Nice to meet you..."
Girl: "Shelley."
You: "Shelley. Once again, I'm Lorenzo Von Matterhorn. Spelled like it sounds: two t's. Lorenzo. Von Matterhorn. Ciao."
Then, as soon as you're gone, she gets out her phone and does an internet search for Lorenzo Von Matterhorn. And that's when she discovers a series of fake websites, all devoted to the incredible life of Lorenzo Von Matterhorn. There's a fake business article about Lorenzo, the reclusive billionaire. The fake explorers club newsletter describing his balloon trip to the North Pole as a feat of pure daring and imagination. The fake medical journal featuring a heart-breaking story of doctors telling him penis reduction surgery isn't an option. And by the time you get back...
You: "Hi. Shelley, uh, I hate to be forward, but can I buy you a cup of coffee?"
Girl: "Yes! Please."
You: "What does coffee go for these days? Fifty dollars?"
Girl: "Oh, Lorenzo."
And it is on.
Now, select your target, preferably a girl with a real nice phone.
The dialogue that follows should go something like this.
You: "Yeah. It's me."
Girl: "Do I know you?"
You: "I'm Lorenzo Von Matterhorn."
Girl: "Are you, like, famous, or something?"
You: "Yes... You really don't know who I am, do you? What a refreshing change of pace. Nice to meet you..."
Girl: "Shelley."
You: "Shelley. Once again, I'm Lorenzo Von Matterhorn. Spelled like it sounds: two t's. Lorenzo. Von Matterhorn. Ciao."
Then, as soon as you're gone, she gets out her phone and does an internet search for Lorenzo Von Matterhorn. And that's when she discovers a series of fake websites, all devoted to the incredible life of Lorenzo Von Matterhorn. There's a fake business article about Lorenzo, the reclusive billionaire. The fake explorers club newsletter describing his balloon trip to the North Pole as a feat of pure daring and imagination. The fake medical journal featuring a heart-breaking story of doctors telling him penis reduction surgery isn't an option. And by the time you get back...
You: "Hi. Shelley, uh, I hate to be forward, but can I buy you a cup of coffee?"
Girl: "Yes! Please."
You: "What does coffee go for these days? Fifty dollars?"
Girl: "Oh, Lorenzo."
And it is on.
Did you see that? Barney totally just pulled off The Lorenzo Von Matterhorn. He's bringing the girl up to his room right now!
by lilypotter56 April 19, 2011
Get the The Lorenzo Von Matterhorn mug.*did you see that bird Steve went home with last night?
*Christ yeah, he's a right munter gatherer that one.
*Christ yeah, he's a right munter gatherer that one.
by hawaiian sam December 9, 2008
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(Myoo, turd) This affliction only applies to males. It occurs when one is struck in the genitalia by a T.V. remote control.
Logan was screaming bloody murder because he was accidentally mutered by CJ.
Logan: (Screaming bloody murder) AARRRRRGGGG!!!!!!
Mom: What in the world is going on in here?
CJ: (Laughing hysterically) I'm sorry, Mom. I just "mutered" Logan by accident
Logan: (Screaming bloody murder) AARRRRRGGGG!!!!!!
Mom: What in the world is going on in here?
CJ: (Laughing hysterically) I'm sorry, Mom. I just "mutered" Logan by accident
by THE Grute Man April 27, 2009
Get the Mutered mug.A movement to ensure that women continue to wear yoga pants to the amusement of all straight men, bi, and lesbians everywhere
I was driving down the street and I heard some dude yell "black tights matter" at some apple bottomed belles.
by von groovy April 13, 2019
Get the black tights matter mug.Some one with a small penis who is usually fat and lives in their moms basement eating deep fried twinkies, and has a computer full of gay porn.
by poopofthepoops October 2, 2010
Get the Mutterlicious mug.A reactor that runs on dark matter, usually started up via power laser ignition to expand dark matter in the center of the reactor superstructure. Currently handled inside of Quantum Science Multipurpose Labs. Although, it is currently undergoing a switch of companies from Quantum Science to Pinewood Builders.
John: Hey Bill, have you seen the Dark Matter Reactor ignition sequence?
Bill: No... did you get a recording of it?
John: HELL YEAH!
Bill: No... did you get a recording of it?
John: HELL YEAH!
by TechnoDiamond October 11, 2018
Get the Dark Matter Reactor mug.if you're reading this and you've been feeling suicidal, depressed, or just could use a little extra support right now, now that you matter and someone out there cares. that could be me, it could be your parents, it could be a long-lost friend or that person you always walk by in the hallway. we love you, and just remember that it's ok to be upset sometimes, but that you always deserve better.
by askkkkkkk January 9, 2020
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