A middle aged fat guy who spends his days unemployed, getting drunk, and making everyone around him feel awkward. Most likely divorced and his kids act like he doesn’t exist. He is probably single and trying to hit on women at the bar that he will never have a chance with, or remarried to the first loser who settled for him while still doing that. He is always asking friends or family for loans to buy stuff he can’t afford. He is commonly seen wearing a white t shirt at the lake, an oversized watch to keep up the false appearance of a lifestyle he doesn’t have, or driving an oversized truck/SUV he can’t afford. He acts like a corporate big shot and tries to strut around like he owns everything, but can barely make it 20 feet without gasping for dear life. Avoid John and guys like him unless you like losers who mistake their extra body mass for muscle.
“My husband is a dick to the kids, a dick to me, a dick to everyone, but without him I can’t have the house we can’t afford and will have to move back in with my mom.”
“Girl same! Looks like we both have a John. Oh well. Not many options when you’re a 50 year old single mom, but how else can we afford rent nowadays?”
“I went to order a drink from the bar and that fat guy got in my face, trying to flirt with me. His wife was talking to some friends a couple tables away.”
“I see that guy in here every couple nights. Surprised the stool isn’t broken yet.”
“Girl same! Looks like we both have a John. Oh well. Not many options when you’re a 50 year old single mom, but how else can we afford rent nowadays?”
“I went to order a drink from the bar and that fat guy got in my face, trying to flirt with me. His wife was talking to some friends a couple tables away.”
“I see that guy in here every couple nights. Surprised the stool isn’t broken yet.”
by Make feather hat get fat February 5, 2024
Get the Johnmug. A man who solicits prostitutes.
by darkskyparadise888 April 28, 2023
Get the Johnmug. A dumb joke two little kids made as a mockery of our friend from school looking like a presidential figure's grandson. John Kennedy
by I<3mitski January 18, 2022
Get the John Kennedymug. by doge7439286 February 24, 2025
Get the john sigmamug. by Drake_neeta_max_ween January 15, 2025
Get the Johnmug. A type of dive you would do at a pool, called Elton Johning because it replicates the feeling of listening to a really good Elton John song. When the water level is about the same height as ledge in a deep area, one will somersault into the water while plugging nose with fingers so water does not rush up their nose. Instead of immediately coming back up to the surface for a breath you would stay in the water for a few seconds as your body is slowly brought back up to the surface until you need to catch a breath.
Past tense: Elton Johned
Past tense: Elton Johned
Person 1: My favorite part of visiting the swimming pool is Elton Johning!
Person 2: Me too! It evokes the same feeling as listening to Goodbye Yellow Brick Road's chorus!
Person 1: Are you ready to leave the pool yet?
Person 2: Not yet! I haven't even Elton Johned yet!
Person 2: Me too! It evokes the same feeling as listening to Goodbye Yellow Brick Road's chorus!
Person 1: Are you ready to leave the pool yet?
Person 2: Not yet! I haven't even Elton Johned yet!
by ultraspecialboy May 11, 2022
Get the Elton Johningmug. 