Becky

A very specific type of woman. They always have perfectly styled hair, perfectly done makeup which they DO NOT leave the house without. This woman will style her hair to look messy, but in actuality it never moves. EVER. Their current favorite fashion trend is skinny jeans tucked into leather riding boots that have never ridden anything or seen dirt of any kind. You can taste their perfume from 10 feet away. Becky will either have a Starbucks cup in her hand, or will be on her way to Starbucks, or is at a minimum thinking of Starbucks. Beckys raise the next generation of Beckys. This woman will publicly criticize her daughter for even looking at a carb or any type of food that is not fat-free in every way.

They’re typically married to men with names like Stephen, Edward, or Richard, and will likely have a Roman numeral after his name. These names cannot be shortened into anything that might suggest even a slight amount of fun, unless it is by Becky herself, and then it will likely be a baby-talk version. Example: Steeeeeeeevie. She will only use this name when she wants something from him. Stephen eats anti-depressants like candy and misses dinner a couple nights a week because he’s working late when in reality he is gagged and bent over his desk while his secretary spanks him with wet celery because all he’s heard for the last 10 years from Becky is not tonight Stephen, I’ve got a headache.

I saw a Becky in the store today. Self centered bitch parked her fat-free cart in the middle of the aisle and walked away.

by bananasantacreek October 21, 2019

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