A middle aged fat guy who spends his days unemployed, getting drunk, and making everyone around him feel awkward. Most likely divorced and his kids act like he doesn’t exist. He is probably single and trying to hit on women at the bar that he will never have a chance with, or remarried to the first loser who settled for him while still doing that. He is always asking friends or family for loans to buy stuff he can’t afford. He is commonly seen wearing a white t shirt at the lake, an oversized watch to keep up the false appearance of a lifestyle he doesn’t have, or driving an oversized truck/SUV he can’t afford. He acts like a corporate big shot and tries to strut around like he owns everything, but can barely make it 20 feet without gasping for dear life. Avoid John and guys like him unless you like losers who mistake their extra body mass for muscle.
“My husband is a dick to the kids, a dick to me, a dick to everyone, but without him I can’t have the house we can’t afford and will have to move back in with my mom.”
“Girl same! Looks like we both have a John. Oh well. Not many options when you’re a 50 year old single mom, but how else can we afford rent nowadays?”
“I went to order a drink from the bar and that fat guy got in my face, trying to flirt with me. His wife was talking to some friends a couple tables away.”
“I see that guy in here every couple nights. Surprised the stool isn’t broken yet.”
“Girl same! Looks like we both have a John. Oh well. Not many options when you’re a 50 year old single mom, but how else can we afford rent nowadays?”
“I went to order a drink from the bar and that fat guy got in my face, trying to flirt with me. His wife was talking to some friends a couple tables away.”
“I see that guy in here every couple nights. Surprised the stool isn’t broken yet.”
by Make feather hat get fat February 5, 2024
Get the John mug.The person I was deeply in love with for over a year rejected me but the letter they wrote as a rejection was the most beautiful and affirming thing anyone has ever said to me, really feeling the John Green Special right now.
by PossibleDefiner February 6, 2024
Get the The John Green Special mug.A man constantly becoming 1% better every day. A man that melts your heart looking into your soul. A very proficient rhyme spitter, log splitter, and bullshitter. His charming smile and personality are only matched in size by his manliness. Quick with a joke or to light some smoke. And the most wonderful, caring amazing fathers ever. The man of dreams ✨️
by FlyLynsFly February 6, 2024
Get the john royal mug.Gethin John Hens is an icon of his time, top tier bff and pure mad mewing master, worlds No.1 guitarist, loves women (6'10 btw), future Kurt Cobain.
by anonymous February 7, 2024
Get the Gethin John Hens mug.by grammarpolice_# February 7, 2024
Get the What the John?! mug.Johna John is a branch of species from homosapiens, belonging to the family Hominidae, and the order Primates. They are very rare to find and are very informative to observe. 'Johna John' behaviour is very complex and retarded; they are the most inarticulate species ever to find on Earth, and have been around since 190,000 B.C.E. However they die out due to their low levels of intelligence, and so are very rare to find.
John was walking through the evergreen, lush forest, trekking through the undergrowth, when he found a Johna John bent double, licking water from a pond with algae infested water.
by cocksucker699 February 8, 2024
Get the Johna John mug.Johna John is a branch of species from homosapiens, belonging to the family Hominidae, and the order Primates. They are very rare to find and are very informative to observe. 'Johna John' behaviour is very complex and retarded; they are the most inarticulate species ever to find on Earth, and have been around since 190,000 B.C.E. However they die out due to their low levels of intelligence, and so are very rare to find.
John was walking through the evergreen, lush forest, trekking through the undergrowth, when he found a Johna John bent double, licking water from a pond with algae infested water.
by cocksucker699 February 8, 2024
Get the Johna John mug.