captain fuck

Is a puke that is self important with one or more tragic character flaws. Usually these pricks pretend to be all about the war but have some piss poor excuse for not going but every reason in the world any other male might go. This type of asshole will listen to and pretend to understand rap. He will be anti-Semitic but not understand what a Jew is from a hole in the ground. He will have a real big time problem with "jack offs" despite being the worst possible kind of jack off. They also have a real problem with fat boys and take the controversial stance of being against "perverts" or "pedophiles" three times an hour. Captain fucks might also be known as one legged scuba divers if they are veterans or pretending to be veterans. Captain fucks are almost always rich boys, yuppies, red necks and/or pussy fucking old farts. A female that might act like this is not called captain fuck. She is just a cunt.

Michael Scott and Dwight Schrute from the TV show The Office are cutesy, watered down, safe for TV captain fucks.

by captain fuck May 11, 2010

Captain Obvious

Person who points out the obvious

Thank you, Captain Obvious

by PlumberGuz August 16, 2010

Captain Fugly

emaciated small asian concubine, occassionally drips slime off of body. Loves to violate animals of all kinds ranging from trolls to insects.
Distinguishing characteristics:
1. Loves to run around without pants
2. Has dry chapped skin usually covered in Cetaphil
3. Has extremely ugly face contortions
4. Has frisky hands
5. Enjoys small dogs, especially ones that can't get away
6. Emaciated.
However, Captain fugly has the occassional nice..ness...
which makes her very loveable and cuddly...if you want to start bleeding.
Also answers to the name:
JIAJIA
Captain foogly

No seriously shes cool.

<3 JIAJIA

If you kiss captain fugly you will get explosive diarrhea.

by Lehsah January 2, 2008

Captain Qwark

A lame superhero from the Ratcher and Clank series. Wears green spandex with a lightning bolt on his chest and had sex with a monkey in one of the games in the series. He loses his reputation and somehow gains it back over and over during this whole series. He got angry at Ratchet and is quoted saying "He is definitely off my top 5" referring to myspace.

Qwark can be related to The Green Lantern or Aquaman, stating that he can barley do shit and should not be considered a superhero.

Captain Qwark: I am Captain Qwark, the greatest superhero of the galaxy.

Ratchet: Yeah Yeah.

Rachet 5 seconds later: *Shoots*

by TacoMann May 26, 2009

captain cucumber

this describes anyone who has used a cucumber as a sexual instrument(usually through the rectum) rather than a vegetable

random guy: ''hey! how long do you take in the bathroom man''

other random guy (in bathroom): ''umn.....not long'' (groans)

1st random guy: (opens bathroom door and witnesses a large cucumber hanging from the other random guys ass with a dumbstruck look on his face)
''oh my god, CAPTAIN CUCUMBER, i knew it!

by the enchanted lemon of hermitage October 15, 2007

Captain Monkey

The most followed Albanian geography account on TikTok.

TikToker that’s known for geography videos, memes, gags and more!

Man 1: Hey dude I just was one of Captain Monkey’s videos!

Man 2: I know me too! How does he make such good maps?

by AnonymousApe January 12, 2023

Captain Furious

A man whose enlarged medulla oblangata is often the source of his gargantuan rage. A comic-book anti-hero who most likely has the MCR1 gene.

That's classic Mike, going all Captain Furious just because X-Factor is on.

by IbrahimDaw October 26, 2009