Ted’s Mom

1. Any mom of a friend of yours that is just bangin’. A real cougar of a woman after college cock and is always down for some DP with some college studs. When she orgasms, it’s like an earthquake of shaking followed by a flash flood from her squirting puss juice.

2. Any milf that is your friend’s mom that is always wanting to fuck frat boys.

1. Chad: Bro why is the floor so wet?

Brad: Do you remember that smoking hot mom that came down the other day? Yeah, Tyler and just got done with her. She’s such a Ted’s Mom.

2. Frat boy: Yo, the mom of that new pledge keeps eye-fucking me bro, I bet she’s a real Ted’s Mom!

by Pikeyjuan69 November 24, 2021

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Get the Ted’s Mommug.

ted out

to break weak, blab your mouth, spill it, tell the business of others, snitch

You better not ted out on me and get me in trouble

by reeseehood February 13, 2020

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Hey, Senator Ted Cruz

If raping women and children is bad why are you covering up the Epstein files? To protect the women who were raped from... Getting justice? Why are the US army member raping the female soldiers all the time and then having it covered up? If heard plenty of stories doing that? You ever think maybe you should spend less time pre-criming people who haven't raped anyone yet and ALSO LESS TIME covering up the rapes that actually occur?

Hym "Hey, Senator Ted Cruz... God said in leviticus that is you rape a woman you have to take her as a wife... I know polygamy is haram but if I rape 2 what am I supposed to do with the second one? How long do you expect vapid statements about the morality of rape and child murder to placate the masses and detract from the fact that you're letting the Jews commit a genocide, but, only the Jews and how do you feel about the fact that I (Hymon Iamon) haven't done or said anything that God hasn't done or said and is basically super Hitler? Is it dope? I'm God-Like! Both God-Like and Christ-Like! I'm like I'm like Super Omega God-Jesus Supreme!"

by Hym Iam June 9, 2025

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Ted’s Law

The law that, in generality and absent mitigating circumstances or context, “the fact that you have to say ‘they’re not that bad’ means that they are that bad.”

First published after extensive research into the sexually available women of Boston, MA in the 2012 Seth MacFarlane film Ted, spoken by the eponymous Ted, whom MacFarlane also voiced.

Ted:
Look, all I'm saying is that Boston women are, on the whole, a paler, uglier sort than women from the elsewheres of life.

John:
That's bullshit. What about Lori? She's hot.

Ted:
No, Lori's from Pennsylvania. That's not a Boston girl.

John:
They're not that bad.

Ted:
See, the fact that you have to say "they're not that bad" means that they are that bad.

Guy watching the movie: So that’s where Ted’s Law comes from!

by me.....really May 7, 2021

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