Penis Monkey

A mythical creature in the stories told around 2000 years ago about a legendary monkey that has god-like/omnipotent powers that will walk up to you in your dreams and steal your penis if you're a bad kid. Although it's just a tale that teaches kids to be good, this phenomena has shown up in many photos from the early 1860s to 1970s, only to disappear completely from every photo 69 hours later, after the picture was taken. Although having unlimited power would make you have every power imaginable and every power unimaginable, he only recorded powers are as follows:

-Teleportation
-The ability to make the skin of your penis roll up on itself and shred apart.
-Monky
-
-Ability to show himself in dreams.
-Ability to erase evidence of his existence.
-Immortality/Invincibility

Derek: Dude, what happened, why were you in the hospital?
James: T-the p-p-penis m-monkey got me.
Derek: Who? What are you talking about?
James: MY PENIS I-IT'S GONE!!
Derek: D: oh no
Tyrone: What happened?
Derek: Penis Monkey.

by poopoo monkey machine man May 26, 2020

monkey porridge

When a black guy blows a load in your mouth so thick you have to chew it.

"I'ma drop a batch of monkey porridge in this bitches mouth."

by DrNegroLsd May 23, 2016

Incest Monkeys

Two or more people who are closely related, that have a large amount of sex all the time.

Guy 1: "Did you hear about Jim and Kate?"
Guy 2: "Yeah bro, they totally had sex."
Guy 1: "Incest Monkeys."

by R.J. Harris September 2, 2011

Lung Monkey

(n) A large, sticky glob of mucus.

Willis, recovering from a bad case of allergies, hawked a really gross lung monkey onto Gayle's fuzzy sweater.

by URallabunchofidiots June 30, 2018

Crust Monkey

Someone who is incredibly crusty and gross. They need to take a shower ASAP and wash their clothes. Someone whose pubic hair and facial hair looks the same.

"Bro, he is such a crust monkey he has cum stains on his pants and the skin on his right hand is peeling off!"

by Giggggiiiggg March 16, 2017

Hood Monkey

Someone who trys to act gangsta but can't get it right.

That guy thinks he's so gangster he's a hood monkey.

by Ilovecats23 March 7, 2015

Monkey Time

Expression referring to the desperate attempt to get the bartender's attention. Appropriate to use when the bar is crowded. Originates from North-East Iceland.

"Wow, look at all those people at the bar, I don't fancy joining that monkey time".

by IcelandBoy August 25, 2017