closet christians

Athiests who harbor unreasonable resentment towards God. How can they resent something that by definition they don't believe in? Also, put any athiest on their deathbed and they'll be the first to pray for mercy.

"Oh my god, he's shooting at me! Please, God, don't let him kill me! NOOOOOOOO!" (bang bang)

by Myles McOmp March 27, 2004

Closet Case Food-Hoarder

Someone who is obsessed with food and stores it in places where no one will find it, such as laundry baskets, drying machines, ect.

I went to my cousin's house yesterday and was looking for a t-shirt in the laundry basket when I found her stash of cookies, fruit roll-ups, and brownies. Shes such a closet case food-hoarder.

by blahblahwords May 16, 2010

closet pevert

a closet pervert is someone who act like they arent a pervert but the actually are

Regan (at school): im not a pevert or a closet pervert
Regan(at home):hay sierra look at this meme about dick cakes
sierra: regan your such a closet pevert

by elliebaby2002 November 27, 2017

Closet Monster

This is where you hide alot of your friends in a room where you know you will have sex, normally done at a party or gala event.

You take a girl (or rarely, a boy) whom you have no respect for into the room and commence having sex with her/him.

Right at the moment of climax, you give the prearranged signal and all of your friends emmerge laughing to scare and severly embarrass the victim

Dude, did you hear about Ellen?

No what happened?

At that party last weekend Cole Closet Monstered her! Matt, Jordan, and Evan were all hiding in the room

by SwissCanadian March 31, 2009

closet racist

Someone who tries to hide the fact that they are racist. This is often done by concealing their true thoughts by opposite behavioral patterns in the same overcompensating fashion as many closet homosexuals do.

David: I just read an alarming paper on the socioeconomic position of African Americans.

Jim: Mmm, what? Afro Americans? Sounds a bit racist to me..

David: No it isn’t, listen: analysis of several US federal statistical databases showed that African Americans are more likely to end up in prison than to end up in college. Just an alarming statistical fact.

Jim: You can’t say that! That’s racist man!

David: I think you're a closet racist.

by Gein050 October 17, 2011

Closet Peacock

A person who is constantly advertising and praising his/her self by indirect means.

(Origin: "The Mind-Body Problem" by Rebecca Goldstein.)

She's an example of the more obnoxious sort of peacock: a closet peacock. Once you get the dictionary to her private language, you understand that everything she says translates into self-praise.

... Right now, she was complaining to me about the ENORMOUS size of her classes and her need to procure a second graduate student to help with the grading. Translation: "I'm such a POPULAR teacher."

(Mind-Body Problem, p. 236)

by PaleBlueYacht April 21, 2011

closet game

A scandal involving intoxicated and/or horny losers who sit in a dark closet and touch each other. The game is played by each participant starting out in a corner of a small closet with the lights off. Each player counts to a previously agreed upon number and then slithers stealthily like a black belted ninja into a secret special spot within the closet. Then each player reaches out and feels for the nearest body part. All the participants take turns calling out which appendage they are touching and who it belongs to. The goal is to touch boobies or peni. The end. Good luck go getters!

Tiffany: Hi Mason, lets go play the closet game and make babies. Touch me Mason, touch me!

Mason: *turns off light* are you ready, Tiffany?

Tiffany: Yes. I'm ready. Take me as I am.

Mason: What are you?

Tiffany: A small whale. But that is why we turn off the lights. Touch me. I'm throbbing with passion. Touch me! Push my love button.

by Lakweefa March 4, 2009