MARK: "I don't think I'll ever be able to face my family again"
DAVE: "Shit, what happened dude?"
MARK: "Well, last night as I was pouring myself a hand-shandy, the cat walked into my room and jumped on my lap, just when I reached my vinegar strokes"
DAVE: "I'm sure he'll get over it"
MARK: "But that's not the worst part; before I could clean him off, my little sister ran in and grabbed him. Later I saw the cat walking around with a mohican while my sister kept saying something about becoming a pet stylist"
DAVE: "Wow. That truly was a masturbatastrophe"
DAVE: "Shit, what happened dude?"
MARK: "Well, last night as I was pouring myself a hand-shandy, the cat walked into my room and jumped on my lap, just when I reached my vinegar strokes"
DAVE: "I'm sure he'll get over it"
MARK: "But that's not the worst part; before I could clean him off, my little sister ran in and grabbed him. Later I saw the cat walking around with a mohican while my sister kept saying something about becoming a pet stylist"
DAVE: "Wow. That truly was a masturbatastrophe"
by Chud Brunner October 30, 2011
Get the masturbatastrophe mug.If you’re a girl this one is for you :)
When I’m home alone / in bed and I get super horny, I lay down and gently put my hand down my pyjama bottoms and into my underwear, running two fingertips in a circular motion on my clit to get me nice and wet. Usually I’m thinking about my boyfriend when I’m doing this but sometimes I look on urban dictionary for some really steamy definitions. I slip two fingers into my hole and pump them inside for a few seconds-a minute until I’m gasping for breath. Then, I take out my blanket and put it underneath me (because cum stains do not come off) and reach for my hairbrush. I rub my clit more and then insert my hairbrush into my tight hole, moaning slightly as it stretches me out a little bit. When I’m wet enough I go faster, the subtle ridges on the brush providing the stimulation that I need. When I’m about to cum I pull the hairbrush out and reach for my vibrator. I turn it on to the first setting (we’ll change the setting later) and place it firmly on my clit, moving it around to find that special spot. By now I’m gasping for breath and moaning and the hairbrush is back in my hole, reaching my g-spot right at the back. I pump my hips up and down like I’m actually being banged, turning the vibrator up a setting to increase the vibration. The motion of the hairbrush and the vibrator make me squirt on my blanket and I moan my boyfriends name and catch my breath afterwards.
When I’m home alone / in bed and I get super horny, I lay down and gently put my hand down my pyjama bottoms and into my underwear, running two fingertips in a circular motion on my clit to get me nice and wet. Usually I’m thinking about my boyfriend when I’m doing this but sometimes I look on urban dictionary for some really steamy definitions. I slip two fingers into my hole and pump them inside for a few seconds-a minute until I’m gasping for breath. Then, I take out my blanket and put it underneath me (because cum stains do not come off) and reach for my hairbrush. I rub my clit more and then insert my hairbrush into my tight hole, moaning slightly as it stretches me out a little bit. When I’m wet enough I go faster, the subtle ridges on the brush providing the stimulation that I need. When I’m about to cum I pull the hairbrush out and reach for my vibrator. I turn it on to the first setting (we’ll change the setting later) and place it firmly on my clit, moving it around to find that special spot. By now I’m gasping for breath and moaning and the hairbrush is back in my hole, reaching my g-spot right at the back. I pump my hips up and down like I’m actually being banged, turning the vibrator up a setting to increase the vibration. The motion of the hairbrush and the vibrator make me squirt on my blanket and I moan my boyfriends name and catch my breath afterwards.
My whole family’s gone out - guess it’s time to masturbate!
This definition made me horny - where’s my vibrator?
This definition made me horny - where’s my vibrator?
by MrsSpookyBitch7 March 1, 2021
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a Masturbationalist, is simply a person who finds that masturbation is the answer to all problems in the world.
bob: Hey, jim, why dont you join us masturbationalists?
jim: yeah? and how would that solve all the existing problems these days?
bob: thats a good question... you'll just have to masturbate to find out, eh?
Jim: hm... sounds good.. i think i will join the masturbationalists, then
bob: good move..im sure you'll like it
jim: yeah? and how would that solve all the existing problems these days?
bob: thats a good question... you'll just have to masturbate to find out, eh?
Jim: hm... sounds good.. i think i will join the masturbationalists, then
bob: good move..im sure you'll like it
by Krimson~ November 3, 2006
Get the masturbationalist mug.The art of acrobatically masturbating.
Any chump can swing from a trapeze. However, it takes true skill to do so while simultaneously beating your meat, in an astounding feat of masturbatics.
by Darryl Strawberry Shortcake September 24, 2014
Get the Masturbatics mug.n. a term used for a jungler who does not contest objectives and rarely ganks lanes. If he decides to gank a lane, he ints like there is no tomorrow.
by bananas107 May 16, 2023
Get the masturbating jungler mug.This term is used to describe one who posts status updates, links, videos and or pictures, as well as other wall posts, and then goes on to "like" the posts. The indidual may have a phsycological disorder, as its obvious they like it. they posted it.
Tyler: "Did you see that Viggo is going to get the new Halo game tonight?"
Skylar: "Yeah, he posted it on facebook, and then he 'Liked' it."
Tyler: "He liked his own status? what a Facebook Masturbator ..."
Skylar: "Yeah, he posted it on facebook, and then he 'Liked' it."
Tyler: "He liked his own status? what a Facebook Masturbator ..."
by squirrelyJOE October 18, 2010
Get the Facebook Masturbator mug.When someone has dumbass thoughts in his head that motivates him while doing nothing about it, usually all those people do is imagine and get pleasure from thinking some bullshit. They like to share those thoughts with their friends and listen to some music/look at images while thinking about it.
Michael's head:
*listens to balkan rap* => I need to move to Serbia !!
*looks for BMW photos on google and listens to german rap* => I need a BMW to prove em all wrong !!
*watches ultimate last minute goals on youtube* => I will become a football coach soon !!
*looks for some 90 days 90kg lost videos on youtube and listens to motivating songs* => tomorrow i start gym !!
Michael: bro, i finally found what I needed in my life..
Djafar. his best friend: Man stfu. i'm tired of your thought masturbation..
*listens to balkan rap* => I need to move to Serbia !!
*looks for BMW photos on google and listens to german rap* => I need a BMW to prove em all wrong !!
*watches ultimate last minute goals on youtube* => I will become a football coach soon !!
*looks for some 90 days 90kg lost videos on youtube and listens to motivating songs* => tomorrow i start gym !!
Michael: bro, i finally found what I needed in my life..
Djafar. his best friend: Man stfu. i'm tired of your thought masturbation..
by upsetrobbery June 23, 2020
Get the thought masturbation mug.