Five-dollar Footlong

An "offer" introduced in the preceding months by those fools at Subway, a US submarine sanswich franchise.To be quite honest, this is one of the most insipid names for a deal that any marketing department has ever created. I'm sorry, but what the fucking hell is this shit? A five-dollar footlong? Are you motherfucking kiding me? Any fifth-grader can realize that "five-dollar footlong" sounds like an offer to take a pecker for five dollars. What the hell is this shit? A five-dollar footlong? Are you going to ask me if I want some mayonaise on that shit? Old bitch-ass motherfuckers. This is just destined to create misunderstanding, as follows:

Anonymous Agent #1: Hey man, I'm hungry as a motherfucker. You wanna get something to eat?
Anonymous Agent #2: You could go to Subway and get a five-dollar footlong.
Anonymous Agent #1: What are you saying about me, son? You saying I like dick?
Anonymous Agent #2: (Confused) What? Nah, man, I'm just saying that Subway has a 12" sandwich for only $5.
Anonymous Agent #1: Fuck you, man. I don't take no shit. (pulls a nine)
Anonymous Agent #2: What the fuck, man?! Why you pullin' the gat?
Anonymous Agent #1: And this is for that "double-whopper" jive you were pulling of me last week, you punk bitch. (Shoots Anonymous Agent #2)
Anonymous Agent #2: (Crying) What the fuck, man? I was just trying to help, son...
Anonymous Agent #1: That's right, cry like the little bitch that you are...
Anonymous Agent #2: WHY SUBWAY?! WHY...?!

Conclusion: Subway ruins lives.

Thank you for your time.

by MuigiKalash January 29, 2009

5 dollar footlong

a really big penis, dick, cock...

Tom: "So I was with Amanda last night and we were about to fuck, I pull out my dick and the bitch stared at me while gaping at my 5 dollar footlong"

by 5 $$$ footlong May 27, 2008

philippino footlong

A Philippino footlong is an Asian/Philippino man’s penis that is 1 foot/ 12 inches long.

Person 1- did you hear that Andrew has a Philippino footlong?

Person 2- makes sense, he’s Philippino.

by Adam Standley January 28, 2019

5 dolla footlong

1. what you owe when you hook up with someone

"Hey Cami, didn't you hook up with that guy last night? I think you owe me a 5 dolla footlong"

by getitgirrrrrl March 19, 2009

fraudulent footlong

a loot long wang thats been modified to equal a foot, usually by an extension, vacuum pump, or pills. etc.

girl 1: damn look at that cock on that white guy
Girl 2: nah that aint big hes got a fraudulent footlong

by The deal man May 20, 2009

Five dollar footlong line

The wanting to snort a powdered sub sammich off of a man's genitals.

"Man, I did a five dollar footlong line off of Doug last night. It was intense."

by Rathboneee February 12, 2012

Subway $5 Footlong

Used to describe a mans large penis

Girl 1: "Bro I was fucking Michael, and his dick was so long."
Girl 2: "Yeah I fucked him too. It was a Subway $5 Footlong, and boy did it taste good."

by Vanilla Water November 9, 2017