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Excelsior

The program that took the world’s weakest man, Nigel Butterworth III, a frail, oat-milk-drinking, TikTok-dancing disgrace to masculinity, and transformed him into a weaponized force of nature. Before Excelsior, Nigel had a lactose intolerance, a gluten allergy, and a fear of eye contact. After Excelsior? He wrestled a crocodile into submission and made it his personal Uber. Nigel was from that day forward know as Chuck Norris.
“Before Excelsior, I used to get nervous ordering at restaurants. Now the waiter thanks me for my dominance and brings me the steak I never even ordered.”
by Ron and Baxter Burgundy March 2, 2025
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