wasted wank

When the act of maturbation is disturbed causing loss of momentum or ejaculation in your pants because some inconsiderate person has turned up uninvited

I downloaded some wicked porn last night and was knocking one out then my mum walked through the door 2 hours early as I was just about to shoot my load, what a wasted wank

by Djc2508 January 16, 2014

Wank fairy

A mysterious being who, after a guy has masturbated in bed and not bothered to wipe up after, arrives and cleans up the area.

Responsible for the disappearance of cum

"The tooth fairy takes teeth - the wank fairy takes jizz - simple as that"

by Benjalo November 16, 2009

Wank Lag

A South West London term used to describe the feeling of exhaustion after an intense masturbation session.

'What did you get up to last night?'
'Spent the evening on the sofa watching TV 'cos I had a severe case of Wank Lag after being on Red Tube too long!'

by Duke of Earlsfield December 29, 2009

wank-machine

1.(noun) Referring to a person, usually a male, who masturbates obssessively multiple times daily.

2.(noun) Referring, in a degrading manner, to anyone who holds a very high opinion of themselves but is actually just an idiot.

1. Man, Clive is a wank-machine of note. He spanked his little monkey thirteen times yesterday.

2. Fiddy is such a wank-machine.

by Jeby March 20, 2006

Cookie-Wank

You and your friends stand in a circle around a cookie. You start to jerk off and try to hit the cookie with your load. The first one who doesn't hit the cookie, or the last one to cum, has to eat it.

"Man, I still have the taste of the Cookie-Wank off yesterday in my mouth."
"Yes, I came first!"
"Oh man, I lost the Cookie-Wank again."
"Oh sorry I didn't mean to shoot you"

by TheFunnyGamer October 18, 2021

Scream wank

Having a screamer is where you scream very highly upon climax. Often found to be nicer in echoey tunnels and/or cave systems. Can be referred to as a screamer/scream jerkin'

'I only have scream wanks.' - Ross Hornby
'Are you having a scream wank?' - Alex Smith

by Sewell - A True Hatter February 10, 2015

Grattan wank

Masturbating to the lingerie pages of a clothing catalogue, as you did when you were 13 and couldn't get hold of proper filth.

Also handy for when you want a change of pace from mind-blowing internet-based grot.

(The Grattan catalogue was popular in the Uk about 15 years ago, and had a huge ladies underwear section.)

"Dude, I went old school and had a badass Grattan wank last night"

by Ohfoshizzo November 2, 2009