Ear Wank

To Ear Wank (verb) is the act of firmly inserting a finger into one's own ear and then fairly vigorously jerking the hand up and down.

The person who is "ear wanking themselves off" experiences an intense satisfaction; not dissimilar to, yet still distinct from, the same satisfaction experienced when scratching an unpleasant itch.

An Ear Wank (noun) comes from the verb, and describes the act of undergoing an ear wank.


Note that it is possible in theory to ear wank other people off, but due to the risks involved (eg. ear wax) it is rarely practiced and not widely accepted in Western Society.

Alex: "Tom... WHAT are you doing?"

Tom: "I'm ear wanking."

Alex: "Oh. Looks weird."

Tom: "Yeah."

by Mrweh October 18, 2008

Cry wank

When you're a sad fuck and horny at the same time

Mike: god i wanna kill mah self
Tyler: why don't you just cry wank
Mike: *proceeds to kill himself*

by Sad fuck March 25, 2020

wank hovel

when you have had a bad day, its the place where you go to curl up, wank and cry

"mate, my girlfriend dumped me, didn't leave my wank hovel for 2 weeks"

by smellthatshit78 October 12, 2009

Gangster Wanking

when you chronically masterbate to hip hop videos and so forth!

Conner: william why do you always watch hip videos?
William: because im a gangster wanking!

by trippywill May 11, 2013

Wank-ake

When someone wakes up with a stiffy and decides to make pancakes while at the same time wanking and as a result some of the ejaculation gets into the pancake batter but not enough to stop said person from continuing to make said pancake. The resulting breakfast food is a Wank-ake!

Roommate A:Hey man, I made breakfast you want some?

Roommate B:Sure, what'd you make?

Roommate A:Wank-akes!

Roommate B:Wait, WHAT?!?

Roommate A:I said Pancakes, man seriously, you want some or not?

by Defiantzel June 14, 2010

Wank balance

The level of jizz in the male sexual organs, for example if you haven't had a wank for a week you have a healthy wank balance, if you wank 8 times a day then your overdrawn

I need to refuel the tank - my wank balance is running low after this mornings work out

by sharkfest August 1, 2016

wank slacks

A pair of trousers (usually an old pair of jogging bottoms with an elastic waistband) in which a male can comfortably masturbate whilst wearing, thus creating warmth on a cold night without the need for a duvet or blanket.

Called fap slacks across the Atlantic.

"I see mikes got his wank slacks on, guess we know what he'll be doing later!"

by 240490 September 21, 2012