Shaving the Beard

When a heterosexual woman divorces her gay husband.

After 30 years of unknowingly acting as Bruce's beard, Cindy finally divorced him after he got caught red-handed at the gay bar.

Bruce: I'm sorry I didn't tell you that I was gay when we got married. Will you stay married to me and pretend that we have sex?

Cindy: I think it's time you came out of the closet - I'm shaving the beard!

by Steve Fraser September 21, 2011

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Pre-Bearding

To prepare the face/existing facial hair for future beardage

"Dude, are you doing no-shave November?" "Yeah man, but I've got to do some pre-bearding on this goatee first."

"Are you trying to grow a beard?" "Why yes I am, but first I have to pre-beard this part because it takes forever to get long."

by thebeardmeister September 23, 2011

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Schrodinger’s beard

When someone has a sizable amount of facial hair, but it still cannot be considered a beard. Usually common in high school boys and reddit moderators.

Person 1: I cant tell if that guy has a beard or not
Person 2: Yeah. He’s got a Schrodinger’s beard

by TotallyDinosaur October 3, 2023

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Jizz Beard

AKA Splash Tash

The stocky mass of bugger broth which usually finds itself pumped on the chops of a genuflecting lass or ravenous mincer.

‘As Denise skipped out of Pinewood Studios after her successful audition, she wondered if the 50cc’s of rod flem that had been pissed on her face to form a claggy jizz beard was worth it.

by Herbie Dongsporran October 13, 2021

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