holy cactus fuck

That wonderful phrase which is uttered by the speaker when his standards in life are so low, that he would consider the action of having sexual intercourse with a cactus, equal to spreading the word of the lord; thus combining holiness, and repetitively and violently shoving your penis into a cactus to the point where either you bleed out from blood loss, or the cactus calls the police for relentless sexual assault, and turning it into that sweet phrase we know and love.

*Notice I said "he", as women have the right mind to keep them from giving just enough of shit to not utter this phrase, although it has happened in rare cases.

64 year old on Viagra and pain meds: "HOLY CACTUS FUCK"
Married son of 64 year old on Viagra and pain meds: "Oh shit here we go again... Honey hide the cactus!"

by toodlefucker6969 July 10, 2017

buttered cactus

When a guy is so hairy, his dick grows side-burns. Shaving often leaves stubble behind making it feel like a cactus inside your vagina.

Man, old man Jenkins was rockin a serious buttered cactus last night.
Thing was rough!

by ThiccBoi Jenkins April 22, 2018

Horny Cactus

Someone who has intercourse with various people but can’t commit to a relationship for longer than a month.

You’re a horny cactus!

by Clapping Machine February 3, 2018

Raging Cactus

When You put tooth pics on your dick and you just start plowing.

"Holy Shit, That's one Raging Cactus"

by weebweebweeb41 May 6, 2018

snatch cactus

Went your cunt is so dry a little cactus pops up in the corner to provide satisfaction

She was such a miserable bitch until she finally grew her very own snatch cactus and finally got a moment of satisfaction.

by Reithrese May 22, 2018

Arizona Cactus

When a woman attaches barbed wire to her partner’s penis, and either takes it in the ass or in the vagina, and bounces like she’s at a nightclub.

Hey girly, I did Arizona Cactus with Brian. Now my pussy feels like it just went through hell!

by King James 1:13 July 21, 2020

Soggy Cactus

After sexual intercourse, the penis turns flaccid and is often coated in bodily fluids, looking like a soggy cactus.

"I can't fuck you babe, I've got a a soggy cactus"

by Ceita May 2, 2022