Bearded Nelson

Someone who attempts to grow facial hair while being physically unable to grow a complete, bushy bear-like beard, and instead sports what is best descirbed as 'peach fuzz'.
This person is usually fairly young, and should probably wait a few years before tying to sport facial hair again.

This look us often paired with a mullet.

Friend 1: Hey look at that guy over there, he can't even grow a proper beard like a real man.
Friend 2: Yeah that is a proper bearded Nelson, mate.

by Hankorus, King of the Beards November 27, 2012

catnip beard

A man's beard that is so attractive women (or men) cannot control their impulse to touch, stroke, or rub themselves against it, similar to how cats find catnip irresistible.

Foley's got a real catnip beard; whenever I see him I just can't keep my hands off of it!

by figurista June 7, 2014

zombie-beard

A combination of zombie apocalypse and neck beard. It it well known that neckbeards are obsessed with the collapse of society, so they fantasize about some kind of apocalypse. The thing is that most neck beards are either extremely over or underweight there for extremely unathlectic, so in the extremely unlikely events of an apocalypse they will most likely be the ones to die first for obvious reason. I’ll give them credit that they usually know a lot about survival, but that’s about it. There are three main reasons why they have this mindset.
1) They don’t have the social skills to fit into normal society

2) There are no marriage laws so they can force a fair maiden to court them and be some kind of white knight
3) They think their gonna be Rick Grimes from the Walking Dead or maybe even a Daryl, but in reality they’re most likely a Eugene

4) They think they will somehow out live all the athletes and chads
In the end why the hell would anyone want anything a horrible as some kind of apocalypse to happen. I mean seeing all your loved ones get eaten and die that’s just plain awful.

Yes people like this actually exist
Zombie-beard: I’m so ready for the apocalypse I have all my katanas and machine guns!
“Chad”: How will you outrun them? You’re 300lbs?
Zombie-beard: I won’t run like a coward I’ll kill them all! You ignorant simpleton!
“Chad”: Whatever man.
*zombie outbreak*
“Chad”: Oh shit! Run!
Zombie-beard: *gets eaten* AHHHHH! NO! THIS IS NOT HOW IT TURNS OUT IN MY THE WALKING DEAD FAN-FICTIONS MAGGIE WAS SUPPOSED TO LEAVE GLENN FOR A REAL GENTLEMAN LIKE MEEE!!1!
Maggie: Who is that guy?
Glenn: No idea

by Thequeenofbasicbitchery October 28, 2017

cooter beard

A cooter beard is a mustache/goatee combo that connects and resembles a 1970s vagina, crudely referred to as a cooter.

In an disturbing grooming trend, more and more men are sporting the cooter beard.

by Navinger March 6, 2020

Jizz Beard

AKA Splash Tash

The stocky mass of bugger broth which usually finds itself pumped on the chops of a genuflecting lass or ravenous mincer.

‘As Denise skipped out of Pinewood Studios after her successful audition, she wondered if the 50cc’s of rod flem that had been pissed on her face to form a claggy jizz beard was worth it.

by Herbie Dongsporran October 13, 2021

Bearded Pope

The act of shitting on the face of an elderly Catholic.

He was fuming after being given a bearded pope

by dcj278 July 6, 2011

U-Beard

Lower half of a goatee in the shape of a U due to lack of proper beard growing skills.

Ben Roethlisberger has been spotted sporting a U-Beard

by Don Lars December 12, 2009