SYNONYMS: chokin' the chicken, spanking the monkey, flogging the dolphin, beating off, jackin' off, buffing the banana, wanking off, playing with yourself, tootin' your horn, fighting the purple helmet warrior, rubbing the one-eyed snake, commiting spermi

Some neurosurgeon posted a definition for masturbate with a bunch of synonyms and decided it would be a good idea to make them all one big link, which is how you got here to this page. Here's to that genius.

I hope that person catches AIDS from masturbating.



SYNONYMS: chokin' the chicken, spanking the monkey, flogging the dolphin, beating off, jackin' off, buffing the banana, wanking off, playing with yourself, tootin' your horn, fighting the purple helmet warrior, rubbing the one-eyed snake, commiting spermicide, taking your turn at the self-serve station, fishing with your zipper trout, beating the shit out of your midget friend, makin' mayo, polishing the family jewels, test-firing the old meat missle, wrapping the hand around the penis and moving it in a thrusting movement.

by Catamount June 21, 2008

Commit jobacide

To terminate ones employment on a whim either by a single action or statement

I was sick of the place so decided to commit jobacide and told my boss to chase them selves

by Big aldo November 30, 2018

Coochie Commitment

The male (hetero) equivalent of a “dick appointment”.

“Sorry bros, you’ll have to go on without me. I’ve got a coochie commitment with that girl from the health dept.”

by DiabloConQueso July 17, 2025

Go commit listen to WAP

The ultimate insult or threat

You should go commit listen to wap

by LittenKitten March 15, 2022

commit green ogre

BECOME SHREK

go commit green ogre noob

by VVVVVVVVVVVVFFFFFFFFFFFFFF March 2, 2020

Commit an oof

To ignite your lightsaber backwards

Bro, don't commit an oof

by Sexually Attractive Big Mac March 21, 2020

Go Commit Viki

The action of screaming incoherently at the first person you see using a mobile device.

"Go Commit Viki, Viki!"

by Alpha Mailman May 18, 2020