SYNONYMS: chokin' the chicken, spanking the monkey, flogging the dolphin, beating off, jackin' off, buffing the banana, wanking off, playing with yourself, tootin' your horn, fighting the purple helmet warrior, rubbing the one-eyed snake, commiting spermi

Some neurosurgeon posted a definition for masturbate with a bunch of synonyms and decided it would be a good idea to make them all one big link, which is how you got here to this page. Here's to that genius.

I hope that person catches AIDS from masturbating.



SYNONYMS: chokin' the chicken, spanking the monkey, flogging the dolphin, beating off, jackin' off, buffing the banana, wanking off, playing with yourself, tootin' your horn, fighting the purple helmet warrior, rubbing the one-eyed snake, commiting spermicide, taking your turn at the self-serve station, fishing with your zipper trout, beating the shit out of your midget friend, makin' mayo, polishing the family jewels, test-firing the old meat missle, wrapping the hand around the penis and moving it in a thrusting movement.

by Catamount June 21, 2008

committed slam

Committed slam is a fuck buddy that only fucks you and buys you chipotle (and let's you get guac). Committed slams are not allowed to contact eachother before 7 pm. Communication is trickly fuck-based

We aren't dating. He's more of a committed slam.

by CommittedSlam October 28, 2015

Cable and Commitment

When you've been in a committed relationship for 10+ years and you'd rather get off to reruns of softcore HBO/Cinemax/Showtime pornos than have sex with your significant other.

(Wife walks into the living room wearing an "I heart ellen" t-shirt, sweatpants, and crocs)

Wife: Hey, honey. Wanna Netflix and Chill tonight? *wink*

Husband: Ugh

(Husband places his left hand down his pants and his right hand on the U-verse remote)

Husband: Looks like it's a Cable and Commitment night

by Andy Fong Chong March 21, 2016

go commit bungee jump with rope

One of, if not the, worst thing you can say to someone.

Bob: Go commit not alive.
John: Go commit bungee jump with rope.
Bob: *Fricking dead.*

by Cyka420BlyatNuggets November 16, 2018

go commit vital disfunctions

This is a serious insult. Noone will ever use this, unless you are a murderer. It is incredibly strong, and will decimate.
It is started with the go commit insult.

person1: "yo fam ur mom gay"
person2: "no u bitch kys lol xd fag"
person3: "Guys, don't make me do it."
person 1 and 2: "lol bitch do it i dare you"
person3: "Alright... Go commit vital disfunctions."
*person 1 and 2 absolutely explode and are sent to another dimension where demons stick lollipops up bumholes*

by hotboylookingtomingle November 22, 2018

Commit jobacide

To terminate ones employment on a whim either by a single action or statement

I was sick of the place so decided to commit jobacide and told my boss to chase them selves

by Big aldo November 30, 2018

Go commit uninstall life

A way of saying someone has to die in Roblox©. (Gotta love the ©).

"Go commit #######" (suicide is censored by Roblox©) is now "Go commit uninstall life"

by jubiman December 11, 2018