Teaching a pig to sing

A quote from Robert Heinlein: Never try to teach a pig to sing; it wastes your time and it annoys the pig.

Usually applied to someone that has a character flaw or annoying habit they will never change because they simply aren't able to.

A person with bad hygiene - you tell them they stink but they don't really care.
"Getting you to clean your room is like teaching a pig to sing; it's a waste of my time and all it does is annoy you."

by BigRed60 August 1, 2009

Teaching his goldfish how to whistle

Another nice way to say masturbation without being so obvious.

"Where's (insert any name here) at?"

"He's in the backyard teaching his goldfish how to whistle."

by Alert The Press! May 14, 2006

tecting

Part of Speech: v
Definition: The act of secretly playing with your genitals while others perform sexy and illusive dance moves. Tecting is not to be confused with masturbation.

Usage: also tecting, (n. used to describe)
Example: Don't be friends with that man, he's a Tector.


tecting Audio Help (těk-ting) Pronunciation Key
v.
1. the undercover stimulation or manipulation of one's own genitals done for sexual self-gratification. usually accomplished by using large pockets or simply sliding your hand into your pants.
2. concealed stimulation, by manual or other means exclusive of coitus, of another persons genitals. (Tecting can also be a group activity.)
3. also known as Stealthy masturbation.

tr.v. tect·ed, tect·ing, tect·or

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The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition
Copyright © 2006 by Houghton Mifflin Company.
Published by Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.

Stay away from that boy in the corner, he is tecting.

by ismy0031 August 7, 2008

Teaching My Liver to Swim

Drinking heavily

Finals just ended and I am going to spend the entire weekend teaching my liver to swim.

by craptastrophy October 14, 2011

teaching grandma to suck eggs

Teaching some process which should already be known, especially to a person who should already know it.

"What does this woman think she's doing? Teaching multiplication to a Calculus class is like teaching grandma to suck eggs!"

by Douglas Baker August 4, 2005

teaching sweater

A type of sweater worn specifically by professional grade school teachers, who exhibit high levels of authoritarianism. The sweater itself is usually wool, cotton, or a combination of wool and cotton, and it typically is designed with horizontal stripes. Color scheme is ususally shades of blue, with white or black accents to punctuate one's level of professionalism and real worldism. A teaching sweater is not meant to be worn outside of the classroom, and the wearer should be careful to not be seen wearing it in highly populated, dense college towns that are high in bar and club stock. Wearage of such garb in these places ususally leads to embarassment for everyone involved.

Upon examination of of the exuberant grade school teacher's teaching sweater, a gaggle of Penn State frat boys proceeded to excessively hate crime him until the police arrived.

by Dan Himself July 27, 2006

Teaching Hubris

When a teacher that teaches an elective or other nonsense subject, such as chorus, assigns a large, time-consuming, difficult and mundane assignment in order to make your life miserable. They do this to make themselves feel better about the fact that they teach a subject that nobody cares about, trying to make themselves feel like an ACTUAL teacher. They often do this at a time when it is extremely inconvenient for you, for instance, when your time would be better spent studying for midterms.

Mike: "Did you hear about the research paper that the home economics teacher is forcing us to write on the history of muffins?"
Emily: "Really? When I have finals to study for? That is such teaching hubris."

by angrystudent13 May 10, 2010