Jesus Sperm Theory

We are in a universe sized sperm cell from Jesus and it's going normal sperm speed but we are so small it feels like forever

"Jesus Sperm Theory saved my life man"- Jeffrey Epstein

by Saddam Huissain June 18, 2023

Oh lord jesus

When someone does something dumb out of no where.
When someone looks dumb.
When something happens unexpectedly.

Jocelyn: "hey, did you see ally's makeup today?"
Arlette: "no why?"
*arlette sees ally's horrifying make up*

Arlette: "oh lord Jesus"

by issasneak August 10, 2017

Jesus

A Guy that has a cult about him and his father.

Jesus is going to turn your semen into wine

by The Bitch of Sin December 29, 2024

Amish Jesus

Amish Jesus is Jesus with a horse drawn carriage and a funny top hat.

Kanye W: Bro that mf look like Amish Jesus the way he got the beard and hat.

by Lil Hemmorrhoid September 17, 2022

Rhino jesus

Rhino jesus is a rhino, he likes to get fucked up on Smirnoff and doesn't make the right decision, that's why people get hit by airplanes 9 times out of 10. Oh and he also protects the board game Jumanji.

Rhino jesus definition:
"This must be the work of rhino jesus!"

by Maple Jay July 10, 2018

Jesus

Jesus is a very cool and muscular male, he usually save people from death. Jesus is also known as the kindest person on the universe, indeed many girls are attracted to him.

Hi
Hi
Are you Jesus?
Yes
I love you then

by Cx Stonks April 29, 2022

Jesus

What if Jesus was a fat guy with curly/bushy and dark hair, but nobody knows it because they always see a skinny guy with fair hair that looks like a Northern European in a stained glass window at a church? What if the church wanted the image that would draw in the most money, instead of the true image, isn't that a possibility?

Nobody was alive back when Jesus was, so he might have been a fat guy with curly/bushy hair that looks nothing like what people usually see at church.

by Solid Mantis February 12, 2021