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Jesus Sperm Theory

We are in a universe sized sperm cell from Jesus and it's going normal sperm speed but we are so small it feels like forever
"Jesus Sperm Theory saved my life man"- Jeffrey Epstein
by Saddam Huissain June 18, 2023
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Jesus christ

Someone who is alive and almighty who forgives you for your sins someone who is very reliable . The person to look past your past and show true love .
I was at at church and pastor said that Jesus Christ is the one who died for our sins . And arouse again 3 days later, that doesn't make since . U can't die and rise again you are a zombie .. No actually if you read your bible you'll actually see that he was destined before time to do this . So much that satin put in the kings head during that time to kill all the first borns. Jesus destiny still lived on bc god may the way for Mary and Joseph to hide and be protected . Before he died they beat him so much bc they thought he was a joke saying he's the son of god. All the blood is an an expression of forgiveness for your sins that Jesus takes the punishment for. They also made him carry the cross that he died on to say in the walk with christ you'll will have to pick up your own cross and keep walking . It's only for the strong ones who can't take a beating and keep stepping forward. Not really picking up a cross just pick up your emotional burden or physical burden and keep moving.
by RomansEmpirekilledjesus March 23, 2023
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Black Jesus

Holy shit look at black Jesus knees pop out of place
by Pro clubs god September 4, 2021
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Fortnite Jesus

Some one who clutches up a game of Fortnite after their teammates dead
Omg your so good you must be Fortnite Jesus
by The real pope not fake trust December 16, 2023
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Jesus Slap

When you are so sure about something but you get biblically proven wrong. When it feels like you just got slapped.
They are such a jerk I don't like them, I don't have to love them.
But the Bible says in 1 John 4:11 "Dear friends, since God had so loved us, we also ought to love one another."
So yeah, you do have to love them. JESUS SLAP!!
by Angggellla June 3, 2017
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The Pharisees hated Jesus because he told them the truth.

A way of saying "You know I'm right" when someone gets angry at you for speaking the truth. According to scripture, the Pharisees were a group of Jewish elders in Judea (the name of Israel under Roman occupation) who took every chance they could get to catch Jesus and his disciples lacking.
Virgin Woke Urbanist: Amtrak is bad! travel cross-country by air! Or on a Greyhound bus!

Chad Nerd: Actually, there's nothing wrong with Amtrak, and aside from Greyhound, they were picking up the slack during the recent airline meltdowns.

VWU: NO! SHUT UP! THAT'S NOT TRUE!

CN: The Pharisees hated Jesus because he told them the truth.
by Stupidly Sophisticated January 15, 2023
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Jesus Bumper

someone who presses their religion on you, especially catholicism. They make reference to their religion and justify everything behind their religion in a conversation.
ex:
man: This woman came to to my house today to try and convert me, bro.

Friend: Bitch was a Jesus Bumper, yo.
by cutup3 July 21, 2014
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