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Lutheran Jesus

It’s when you’re catholic friend with religious trauma finds random moments of blessings in everyday tasks.
Lutheran Jesus said I can’t come in the water right now. I don’t got to do anything!
by LandoFanF1 August 3, 2024
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Jesus

Guy 1: Do you know jesus?
Guy 2: Hell yea man hes a legend
by lplikferd August 4, 2024
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Jesus's spizzim

When you jizz with no control, even though she said she’s not on birth control.
Yo dude, I just Jesus's spizzim , she did tell me she’s not on birth control; I just couldn’t help it.
by Kachowism August 10, 2024
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Jesus spizzim

Yo dude, I tried not to cum, but Jesus spizzim happened, what do I do?
by Kachowism August 10, 2024
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Jesus spizzim

When you cum and try to pullout, but Jesus said no. Jesus rizzim
Yo dude, I tried not to cum, but Jesus spizzim happened, what do I do?
by Kachowism August 11, 2024
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JESUS

A person who is incredibly nice and kind in many ways, often associated with God or Jesus Christ. This person is likely to be successful and far from boring. They always know how to keep people engaged and are known by a lot of people. They carry themselves with royalty and dignity, showing warmth and wisdom in everything they do.
“Man, that guy is so Jesus-like—he’s always helping people and spreading positivity wherever he goes.”
by ITellISayTheTruth March 23, 2025
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go find jesus

When your credit card customer service agent is refusing to help you with an issue and they keep repeating something irrelevant to your current problem over and over and over again - so often that you finally get upset and raise your voice, and then they threaten to end the call as if that's a threat, so you ask for their employee number and they say, yes, I can give that to you. So you ask for it, and then they tell you their name only, so you ask for their employee number again. And then they get all scared and say: I told you my name. So you say: what am I supposed to do? Call this giant company back and ask for the most generic name ever? So he tells you that the call is being recorded at which point you inform him that "god hates liars and thieves" and then you pull the phone away from your ear, put the speaker end towards your mouth and say, go find jesus. Basically, you say this to a person who is being a ridiculous heathen.
Go find jesus *hangs up the phone*
by MeleeYourFace March 25, 2025
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