shithouse phantom

A mysterious being, whose identity and motives are unknown, who insists on scrawling on the bathroom walls in shit. The bathroom may be a public restroom, but is often a bathroom at an professional job.

His brown musings maybe actual words like "hello, hi, or turd" and yet are often fecal smearings with no discernable message.

Who are you shithouse phantom? And why have you selected this bathroom as your canvas?!?!

Hank: Yeah so me and the wife (upon opening bathroom door) HOLY FUCK The shithouse phantom is back again! Fuckin hell, Charlie, call maintanence would you?

Charlie: I mean really, who writes "hi" on the wall in shit?

Hank: The shithouse phantom, Charlie. The shithouse phantom.

by Mighty B October 27, 2006

Phantom Menace

Refers to a man with a boner walking or standing behind people while poking at them with his erect penis.

Damn! I just got Phantom Menaced!

by Pee in the park June 7, 2005

phantom piss

Thinking you need to take a piss, only to find you don't when stood in front of the pan.

Thats the fourth phantom piss this morning. Wish I could squeeze out a piss and be done.

by nameisalwaystaken November 9, 2006

phantom jam

A traffic jam that seems to happen for absolutely no reason. No roadworks, no traffic lights, no car crashes, no nothing. Just a great big traffic jam.

The common driver is often left not only frustrated, but also confused, after coming out of a phantom jam.

by Atomik Spongeface June 16, 2008

Phantom Jobber

Someone who leaves the toilet in a mess. Normally by leaving sliding faece marks in the bowl. Occasionally they flush, sometimes they do not.

"You been to the shitter recently? The phantom jobber is back again, f**king skids everywhere"

by dirtdawg January 5, 2009

phantom shit bandit

A person with an ass so big they would need mirrors to back into the stall visits a public/office restroom and defecates the messiest sloppiest nutty dump all over seat and floor. They always manage to slip away without be noticed, despite HOW big they are.

MY god the phantom shit bandit strikes again. My good it is all over the walls too.

by dontbah8tr February 27, 2009

Phantom Sneeze

The sensation of a sneeze that won't occur naturally.

I kept having to phantom sneeze in front of Jane last night and now she thinks I have terrets.

by Scooter118 March 11, 2009