Jesus 

An anti-war pinko and welfare state advocate who lived in ancient Israel.

Uninformed Reactionary Prick: Who is this Heyzeus fella? Sounds like a goddamned commie if ya ask me. Turn the other cheek..... what kinda pinko made up that bullshit?

URP #2: I ain't givin my hard earned money to them lazy poor people. What kinda bleeding-heart tree-humper came up with that idea? Jesus? Where'd ya here that from? The bible? Your pullin my leg.

Jesus by unpigeonholeable July 23, 2009

Jesus 

Main character in Son-O-God comics. Worlds first Ophthalmologist/Orthopedist. Suspected communist.

Q. Why did Jesus cross the road?

A. Because he was nailed to the chicken.

Jesus by scut monkey August 9, 2009

Jesus 

1. a Man that does tricks
2. a fictional character

1. I will turn water into wine
2. Hey! Did you read the Bible? there's this guy called Jesus in it.

Jesus by Jospeh526 February 27, 2008

Jesus 

Jesus, a man, who was really alive despite popular belief, you know he was as much alive as you are today it is a historical fact. He was also nailed to a cross which is also a historical fact and Christian's believe to be the personal Lord and Saviour of the world.

Jesus, please come into my heart. Are you there? Over? Can you knock three times on my pancreas if you made it in? Over?

Jesus by Emily Lawson May 3, 2008

Jesus 

A schizophrenic person who lived a long time ago with followers who were also schizophrenic

"I am Jesus the Son of God!"

Jesus by Tech dude March 16, 2010

Jesus 

Some dude who was born into a crappy family and his mother is somehow a virgin, some hippy probably jacked off and shot into her vag.Got killed and came back as a zombie. If he was alive today he would kill himself after seeing the cult his fictional novel "The Bible" spawned. Pretty cool guy despite the fact he tried to take away violence and wanted every one to be "nice" and that there really is no proof of his existance. He is now completely dead. See fake, phony, bastard

Guy 1: Yo, you know that Jesus dude?
Guy 2: Yea, isnt he in Star Wars?
Guy 1: Dunno, Something fictional like that.

Me: I HATE HIPPIES!!!

Some Skater Hippy Christian who is a MAJOR Gromit:Jezuz iz meh hmeboi lawlz.
Normal Person: Shut up fag. Jesus is Mexican.

Jesus by Eww hippies May 2, 2008

jesus 

someone who can't drive

JESUS CHRIST! LEARN HOW TO DRIVE!

jesus by Yabity November 1, 2010