jesus

The Jewish religious teacher whose life, death, and resurrection. (thats it)

jessica: I love jesus!
jake: I know right!

by avilover12 November 22, 2021

Jesus Tear

that tear someone(preferably a chick) gets when she’s sucking your dick and goes to deep....

(on chick to another) i went down on him so deep i gag’d n got a jesus tear

by bootsherk March 27, 2018

Jesus

What my manager calls the church a few minutes up the road from my house

My manager when he drops me home: "I am going to take you to Jesus!"

by Jack Spank9049 January 7, 2023

April Jesus

Is typically any hot girl that colours her hair different primary colours on a regular weekly basis and struts around with a beautiful figure. She's the type of girl who isn't afraid to take photos in alleys in your downtown districts while in the rain. Hence April as in April showers and her beautiful figure is where Jesus' miracle of giving beauty comes in. Hence April Jesus.

Hey, check out April Jesus over there. Woot woot!

Look at those April Jesus' (used when seeing a big group of hot girls with primary hair colour)
Dam, she's an ugly April Jesus. (used when you see an ugly girl with a primary hair colour. so.. an April Jesus reject or a weeaboo)
Hey, I just saw April Jesus walking in the park.
Fuck you April Jesus! (used when upset with an April Jesus)

by lilacgirl97 May 26, 2022

Coffee with Jesus

It’s an enema of cold coffee mixed with cocaine that is used before sex in the gay community.

Mike and Sam always have coffee with Jesus on Sunday.

by Mr El Conquistador May 20, 2022

Bongrat Jesus

God in human form, but also a Bong rat (and therefore greater than God himself).

Only Bongrat Jesus himself could pull that off!

by (( (gyfgdfdf October 20, 2021

Jesus's Army

Jesus's Army are a peaceful Christian organisation who usually drive around to their religious gatherings in rainbow or multi coloured vehicles usually dilapidated vans or mini buses. Jesus's Army love to spread the word of our Lord and Saviour through rustic songs acapella style or often led by tambourine's, maracas,spoons and entry level guitar playing.
Unfortunately due to Jesus's Army only feeling love and seeing good in their fellow man they can often fall foul of being abused by drunken thugs who will initially express a real interest in turning their sad lives around with Jesus's help only to blag free rides to their next watering hole and further cementing their own place in Hell.

Dave we've drank and gambled all our money on fruit machines. We literally only have enough for 4 more pints each with no cash machine visits available and we still need to get home with no money for a taxi.
Fear not there is some rainbow coloured van there with a heavy smell of marijuana and Christian love exuding from it. That is definitely Jesus's Army and if we tell them we are interested in signing up and turning our lives around with the help of the Lord I think we can blag a lift.

by Another pseudonymal August 5, 2022