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Akehoshi Subaru Theorem

The Akehoshi Subaru Theorem states when one feels the whims of gacha due to an underlying feeling of fondness for said character (not including applications regarding “meta” reasons) one may utilize that in priority of gacha decision.
“man i really want to get childe because i like him but i dont think he’ll fit into any of my teams”
“nah man the akehoshi subaru theorem says you should get him if you like him”
by boopsae October 11, 2023
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The Hitler Theorem

The Hitler Theorem is in relation to how a stimulus affects you negatively day by day more than Adolf Hitler does. If something affects you worse than Adolf Hitler, then The Hitler Theorem can prove objectively that the stimulus is worse than Adolf Hitler.
"I'm tired of all this work my teacher is assigning me! It annoys me more than Adolf Hitler does, therefore according to The Hitler Theorem this homework is worse than Adolf Hitler!"
by Theoremist November 22, 2023
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The Repeating Idiocy Theorem

The Repeating Theorem discusses how stupid people will repeat the same dumb choices because they're too idiotic to learn from consequences.
"I want to get back with my ex." - (Idiot, probably named Brad)

"YOU FUCKING DUMBASS! YOU'RE AN IDIOT! I MADE THE REPEATING IDIOCY THEOREM TO SHOW HOW YOUR DUMBASS CONTINUSIONLY MAKES THE SAME RETARDED CHOICES!" - Me (Fuck you guy, probably named Brad, you idiot)
by Theoremist November 22, 2023
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Rickshaw’s Optimum Theorem

Rickshaw's Optimum Theorem states that at any moment of lethargy, regardless of anticipation or willingness, shall productivity invariably be inferior to that of complete inaction.
By Rickshaw’s Optimum Theorem, I should do this leave this assignment for tomorrow as I am very tired.
by Victor Akhmetzyanov October 1, 2024
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The Fish Piano Theorem

The theory that a fish species, given an infinite amount of time, will create an exact replica of a piano. Then due to the existence of a piano, there will eventually be a fish Mozart that will create his pieces exactly.
"You ever heard of 'The Fish Piano Theorem'?"
by Sleep_Deprivation_Good. November 22, 2024
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The Fish Piano Theorem

The theory that a fish species, given an infinite amount of time, will create an exact replica of a piano. Then due to the existence of a piano, there will eventually be a fish version of Mozart that will create his pieces exactly.
"You ever heard of 'The Fish Piano Theorem'?"
by FishPianoTheorem November 22, 2024
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Reverse Nut Theorem

Harnessing the power of your semen, you erase all evidence from the absolute power-bombing you gave your significant other by cum-bending all of that chunky nut back into your scrotum.
"Bro I can't let my girl know about my cheating but I don't know how??
"No worries man, I just used the Reverse Nut Theorem. It's completely foolproof."
by Dongerlxrd December 4, 2023
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