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Jesus Christ

Yes, it's multiple parts this one...

*The wilderness*

Lucifer "Oh what in the fuck is it now!?"

Jesus "Hey man! Long time no see! What's it been? 30 years? I'm a guy now."

Lucifer "This is what you've been doing!? You can't be a guy!"

Jesus "I am. I'm Jesus Christ now."
Lucifer "JESUS CHRIST!"

Jesus "Yep."

Lucifer "Jesus Christ! This is ridiculous. You can't be a guy. Change back! Change back immediately!"

Jesus "Oho can't I? Are you my dad now? Ok father. I won't be a guy *Father*."

Father "I don't need to be your father to- Wait... *Father* YOU SON OF A BITCH! What are you going to do!? What are THEY going to do!? They are going to fuck your shit up!"

Jesus "Oh I know."

Father 😨

Jesus 🤨

Father "What the fuck is happening right now..."

Jesus "Uuuuummmm I'm a guy now. I did some cool stuff. They're going to kill me. And.. then... I'm... Gonna... I donno... I'll just come back or something. Or not. Or come back for a bit and then go back and then come back later. It's gonna be tight!"

Father "Jesus Christ... That is fucking stupid man. Absolutely dumb. Why would you come here just to let em kill you?"

Jesus "Save me then idiot! Heheheh!"

Lucifer "No. No, I'm not going to save you from- What is there to even save you from?"

Jesus "Exactly. Hey, we're having a party man you should come out! We got... Um... Bread. We're gonna split a bottle of wine between... Well, between the 14 of us I guess. It's gonna be dope."

Father "TSK! Getthefuckouttaherewiththat! No! NO! I'm not going to 'party' and I'm not going to be a part of any of this."

Jesus "Your loss man parties are fun."

Father 😨

Jesus "Alright man I'll see you later." 😌🖐

Father 😨
by Hym Iam August 9, 2023
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Jesus Christ

by big_nae_nae August 11, 2023
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jesus

When a man has a fabulous Jesus, his hips and lower abs are extremely cut, just as our Lord Jesus’ was as depicted in almost all art and sculpture of him.
I love a guy with a great jesus peeking out of his jeans.
by Cheeky T August 13, 2023
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Jesus cable

A Jesus cable is a cable that will likely cause death, fire or an explosion, like a 220V to USB-C cable.
Mate A: Don't plug that one in.
Mate B: Why?
Mate A: It's a Jesus cable, you'll die if you do.
by SmokeAlt2EveryDay August 21, 2023
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Lord Jesus

The way, the truth, and the life, and no one goes to the father except through confessing that Jesus is Lord, and believing in your heart that God raised him from the dead.
Lord Jesus will do good to you, Because he is the Lord.
by rimnuthefolf September 7, 2023
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Jesus Salad

A dietary suppliment
Jesus Salad is good for the digestive system. Jesus Salad is a healthy meal containing lettuce, radish, carrots and Greek dressing.
by JReverend September 14, 2023
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Jesus Lighting

Jesus Lighting is the result of a camera focusing on you with light in the background resulting in the person in the photograph being surrounded by heavenly white
Person 1: “How was the visit at the park with your friend?”

Person 2: “Good; very sunny, I took a picture of my friend facing the sun and when I looked at the photo, I got him in Jesus Lighting

Person 1: “lmao”

*may or may not be based on a true story*
by roach.baddie September 15, 2023
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