Christ Jesus

An expression used to denote utter surprise, horror and confusion; used in "Return of the Living Dead" when two paramedics encounter a horde of ravenous undead zombies on the hunt for brains.

Can also be used to denote complete disgust with a person or situation.

"Do you hear that?"

(looks down the road at undead hordes of brain eating zombies)

"Christ Jesus!"

or....

Man1 : "Did you flush the toilet after you dropped that monster dook?"

Man2: "Nope."

Man1: "Christ Jesus. You are disgusting."

Christ Jesus by Johnny Gobs July 6, 2010

Double Jesus 

When two bearded human males cut a square shaped section off from each others buttocks cheeks and place them into an empty wine glass, then proceed to urinate into said wine glass at the same time. In this process, the urine will begin to resemble wine in coloration due to the blood escaping from the cut off portions of flesh. Once they have completed urination, they then pour the concoction over each others heads as they masturbate furiously into a collection plate like those found in Catholic churches while screaming "Praise me" loud enough for all of their neighbors to hear. This is a Double Jesus.

Tom Cruise: Hey Chuck, did ya catch the latest episode of Breaking Bad last night?
Chuck Norris: Naw, I was too busy doing the Double Jesus with Zach Galifianakis.
Tom Cruise: Whatchu talkin' 'bout Willis?
Chuck Norris: Can you bail me out homie?

Double Jesus by PenetrationStation December 19, 2014

Mach Jesus 

Something traveling well above the "reasonable speed" that it should be

Me and my buddy were traveling Mach Jesus down the back roads on a beer run last night

Mach Jesus by SomeRedneck69 June 10, 2021

Living like jesus 

living in a godlike fashion or living like talia.
Living in a perfect life style,

O snaps, talia is living like jesus again

Living like jesus by zziiggggyy December 10, 2008

Teased to Jesus 

A hairdo where the hair is lifted extremely high. This usually involves a large amount of mousse and/or hairspray. The term "teased" is a normal term in hairdressing to mean fluffed, altered, and styled. "To Jesus" is a reference which means the hair is raised so high, it almost reaches the sky, or Heaven.

Did you see Tina's new hairdo? I swear it was teased to Jesus! For a moment, I thought it was 1984 again.

Teased to Jesus by CrazyJay September 17, 2010

Word to Jesus 

Something ONLY you and your beliefs can resolve. Usually in reference to ambiguous or philosophical questions with no real answer.

Tom: Hey, What is the meaning of life?

Jerry: Word to Jesus.

Word to Jesus by The Gotti December 21, 2010

sweet baby jesus on a lawnmower 

An exclamation when everything has gone to shit. I.e., your crazy coworker who was just fired has returned to the office with a handgun.

"Sweet baby Jesus on a lawnmower, it's Ahmed and the crazy mofo has a gun!"

sweet baby jesus on a lawnmower by OhForF*cksSake March 29, 2015