Status Wanker

Someone who updates their facebook status at every opportunity. Continuously informing us of their every movement, mood change and achievement... A true Status Wanker believes that people are actually interested in their status updates.

16:00 Sami is having a bad day at the office.
17:02 Sami is glad to be home after a tough day at the office and can't wait to get a bath and settle down in front of the TV with a glass of wine and her superstar of a boyfriend
18:04 Sami is watching a brill film

"god how much of a status wanker is Sami updating her status every hour"

by Vincent Zippoff March 10, 2009

wanker banker

Any one of the million or so neat neck-tie New York or London or San Fran bankers, traders, and/or financial types who troll otherwise hipster, posh bars or clubs claiming to actually be interested in art, culture, and the human condition when hitting on women otherwise way out of their league but for their singular monetary standing.
Usually spawned from ivy league Universities.

Attractive Girl #1: I love that film, can't believe it's been so long since I've seen it.
Attractive Girl #2: It was on IFC last night, I didn't even know I got the channel.
Wanker Banker: As much as I agree, I still think the book was better.
Attractive Girl #2: It's a documentary, ass.
(Wanker Banker shrugs, pretends to see some friends, angles towards the bar)
Attractive Girl #1: Fucking wank-bank.

or

Simone: What're they gonna do?
Marlene: I dunno, go back to her place.
Wanker-banker: My flat's not far from here, has a terrace with a view of the city.
Simon: Good for you.
Wanker Banker: I'm just sayin'-
Marlene: Dear gawd, this is the worst night of my life. We officially look like coke whores. Why else would a wanker banker assume he and his cheese dick button down could summon us to his apartment via cuff links and slacks ?
Simone: What a fucktard.

by RyKirb October 31, 2008

Danger wankered

Becoming dangerously drunk/drugged beyond all recognition. Usually a 24 hour + sesh that has resulted in general loss of the ability do do anything other than smoke or drink, extremely diminished intelligence and zero concept of time it's self.

Girl: Yo, where were you all week? I've been trying to get hold of you since Monday!

Boy: Woah, if only I could remember! We had one serious sesh at Danny's where I'm pretty sure I lost my mind as well as my eyebrows. I'm never drinking again. Majorly danger wankered.

by Jumboner June 2, 2010

Cheese Wanker

Someone who fancies themselves to be a cheese expert and can't stop talking about cheese.

He's such a cheese wanker! Every time we eat cheese, he can't stop talking. I just want to eat the damn cheese. I don't need to hear about how it was made, what the cow was fed and how many times a week the cheesemaker brushed the cheese!

by TheCheeseWanker April 13, 2022

bearded wanker

When a bloke is more obsessed with his beard than fucking everything

I love playing with my beard it proper turns me on. I think I'm a bearded wanker

by Bearded wanker July 27, 2016

Costa Wanker

A young wanna be hipster who always goes to the Costa Coffee machines at petrol stations.

' Look at that Costa Wanker waiting for his shit latte'

Or

'I can't get a coffee because the que is full of Costa wankers'

by dog tits July 5, 2016

audi wanker

A group of middle aged men, trying there utmost not to have a mid life crisis. They think they own the road. They seem to think they look cool. When in actual fact they’re simply an ‘Audi Wanker’.
:)

Move out of my way!!!!! Audi wanker !!!!!

by Kel-Kel :) August 8, 2018