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Reading the Newspaper

Reading the newspaper is the act of jacking off, beating the meat, choking the chicken, spanking the monkey, buffing the banana, wanking off, pocket pool, pleasure yourself, or just plain old masturbation.
Caitlyn: I don't read the newspaper not three, not four, but fifty-six times daily!

Taylor: Ohh girl, I got choo and I love using anime as an aid to reading the newspaper!

Monica: My mom reads the newspaper, every morning before breakfast..
by t0uchmiib0dy August 2, 2008
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ressing

1. to stay at residence when attending university

2. used by undergraduates attending a college or university outside of their own city

3. a word widely unrecognized and was formerly known as 'staying at residence'

Short form: "Res"
Mike: Yo you gonna stay at home for college? Or are you gonna res?

Chris: I'm def gonna ressing, more broads that way aha

Mike: ahhha Yeeee broski
by darnsomeonelsehasthisname June 11, 2009
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Reading Grandma A Bedtime Story

To masturbate while eating out old women-also known as playing Counter Strike.
by DIE May 28, 2003
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Reading Textbooks

Joe: Hey Bob wanna go and start reading textbooks after school today?
Bob: Hell yeah!
Uninformed kid: Oh wow they sure like studying. They don't look like the type to care about school.
by Ightweed January 9, 2015
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rensing

Big fat dude that's afraid of puss puss. Probably washes cars for a living.
Hey rensing, after you don't get laid , wash my car bitch!
by Swicc2000 August 9, 2016
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E-Reaping

An individual watching online videos who confidently declares that the person/people in the video have died (for sure).
Man 1: Aye! Check out this car Police chase video!

Man 2: **watches** Fuck. Yup he's dead!

Man 1: Nah, he survived! Why you E-reaping niggas?
by DR RELEVANT February 2, 2020
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I'm not reading that

A phrase used for when a piece of text disgusts you.
Person A: Hey, can you go on Urban Dictionary and look up Surprise Party?

Person B: *looks it up*

... I'm not reading that.
by ChameleonDragon December 21, 2019
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