my coffee

a phrase used by the weak minded to excuse themselves for being a complete dipshit until they have had a sufficient fix of caffeine.
You'll have to excuse me for not being able to wipe my own ass right now Bill, I haven't had "my coffee" yet.
by kmpistol July 16, 2009
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Coffee Condom

The name for the sleeve that goes around your handle-less paper coffee cup to insulate the drinker's hands from hot coffee.

Similar to how a latex condom is designed to protect you from sexually transmitted diseases the "coffee condom" is designed to protect your hand from the hot cup of coffee.
Do you need a coffee condom for that cup?
by RodentHour January 06, 2013
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Coffee Crumpet

It looks like that fellow's coffee crumpet has taken a firm pummelling.

Have you seen the size of that coffee crumpet?
by Redeeris November 01, 2010
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coffee shakes

The body-vibrating sensation you get after drinking 3+ cups of straight coffee. The symptoms can range from involuntary foot-tapping to vibrating like a back massager.
I had the coffee shakes so bad this morning I stuck my toothbrush up my nose.
by ConverseArt March 03, 2009
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Coffee Clutz

A person who constantly spills coffee due to carelessness. They often have coffee stains on the inside of their car, countertops, desks, books, and carpets. A coffee clutz also tends to not clean up the mess they made, due to the fact that they can't handle coffee without spilling/dropping it and they are generally lazy
Person A: Hey, what's that brown stain on your desk?

Person B: Oh, that was from the other week from when I almost ruined my laptop from spilling coffee on it, and I guess I never cleaned up my mess.

Person A: Wow, you really area coffee clutz.
by D Mac 94 June 09, 2010
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Apres-Coffee

The imminent poop that is brought on by drinking your first cup of coffee in the morning.
I had a large latte on my way to work, now I have to go drop an Apres-Coffee
by BarstoolBoy September 16, 2011
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Coffee Toffee

Fecal waste that is a direct by-product of and is triggered by coffee consumption. Typically the passing of a Coffee Toffee follows a complete cup of coffee but in some the urge to defecate can become overpowering even part way through their cup.
noun: After downing a latte with her lunch, Sophie found herself holding up the restroom cue as she dumped a massive coffee toffee into her work toilet, leaving a damning skid mark in its wake.

verb: Pablo rued the day he drank 7 double espressos. Not only did he have great difficulty sleeping that night, he coffee-toffeed all afternoon, much to the disdain of his room-mates.
by The_Beard_of_Odin April 17, 2009
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