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i'm not even joking

A phrase said when you say something so outlandish or unrealistic that one may believe you are just saying it as a joke and don't actually mean it, so you say this to make it clear you're dead serious.
Person 1: HOLY SHIT, MY FAMILY JUST GOT SHOT TO DEATH BY A BANANA!!! I'M NOT EVEN JOKING!!!
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I'm shopping for someone else...

Da standard "please bear with me --- I'm not familiar with this type or purchase" preamble-remark dat you ruefully tell a store-employee whom you ask for assistance in finding/choosing one or more items dat you never use yourself, and so you have less of an idea of how to shop for it or maybe even where it's stocked in da store.
Two good examples of when you might tell a staffperson, "I'm shopping for someone else..." might be if you were looking for a type of media-entertainment (such as books, music, or movies) dat you have no interest in yourself, or if you merely lived a simple bachelor's existence and were procuring "fussy female stuff" items for a lady-friend, such as cosmetics, dress-up clothing, fancy table-setting accessories, etc.
by QuacksO May 20, 2023
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The speaker “half doomed” and the other person “semi-sweet” insinuates that although separately they’re only halves of a whole, together they complete each other.
What a match, I'm half doomed and you're semi-sweet
by Vampirejerk May 20, 2023
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this chain is almost over! I'm proud!

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This chain is almost over! I'm proud!
by Sussy bussy sinhala sus May 22, 2023
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I'm Finna blow!

Its what i say when i'm doing your mom!
Me: Oh my god I'm finna blow!!!
by Your Dad (Yes really) May 24, 2023
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"I'm Joking" Paradox

When a person talks about a topic a little to much but denies liking the thing they are talking about, thus creating a paradox as it is unknown whether they actually mean what they say.
"Jake talks about liking that one girl a little too much but says he doesn't like her. I think its an "I'm Joking" Paradox"
"
by Scoria May 26, 2023
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I'm The Man

Used as a topic for a pointless argument between two stupid, possibly special needs individuals, when there is nothing else to argue about.
Michael: "I'm the Man!"
Thompson: "NO! I'M THE MAN!!!"
Michael: "UH, NO YOU'RE NOT, I'M THE MAN!"
by gopist May 28, 2023
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