A
Navy buddy of mine, Don Armstrong (RIP buddy) had terrible hemorrhoids-- they would bleed and make perfect
doll-sized
kiss marks inside his underwear.
Don's
Wife: "Don! You sick fuck! Did you pay a
midget to wear lipstick and kiss your goddamn underwear?"
Don: "No honey... those are from my hemorrhoids."
Don's
Wife: "... you mean this is actually... blood?"
Don: "It's best to think of them as Underwear Kisses."