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NBC's Today Show

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A television news 'magazine' consisting of about five minutes of Amerocentric 'news-ish' stories and about fifty-five minutes of commercial advertisement, blatantly or obliquely passed off as news for sister/affiliated companies and conscripted glitterati.

News anchors Matt and Meredith are given scripted content about what they may say from corporate. They are allowed to discuss anything trivial as if it were news. Actual 'news', both foreign and domestic, left NBC Today Show with the removal of Jane Pauley and Bryant Gumbel. Nobody has seen a real interview on the morning 'news magazine' since that era.

It is believed that network executives were neutered or spayed by the executive branch of the US federal government between the years of 2000 and 2008, causing network news programs like NBC's Today Show to focus more on the then popular federal prime mandate: 'Buy more stuff.' NBC's Today Show translated this into 'Buy more of our stuff'.

It remains to be seen whether NBC's Today Show will regrow a pair of gonads and actually start reporting news again.
Ann Curry is the only person believed not to have thoroughly compromised her own standards in the process.
NBC's Today Show looks more and more like the Home Shopping Network. The only difference is that most people who watch it can't afford $200 for a suit jacket, even if Meredith pretends to claim it's such a 'steal'. Most of us don't generally wear more than $100 worth of cloths at a time, if we're lucky and find NBC's Today Show tremendously out of touch.
by gr33nman February 13, 2009
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A term used to describe one's lack of motivation to commence the events of the day.
"Well, I guess it's time to suck today's dick! Catch you later."
by Cory Lendon October 2, 2008
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what's today's date

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Jeff: Hey what's today's date??
Juan Julio Hernandez Estabon Ricardo El Chappo lll: today is today.
by Because we're retarded October 28, 2019
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On today’s, how fucked up is fucked up? The phrase says it all except you will follow it up what is fucked up.
Person 1-On today’s, how fucked up is fucked up? “Shows his car fucked up”, this is fucked up.
by Hankscolts December 1, 2022
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"Not today Satan, not today," comes from the show RuPaul's Drag Race, and was said by season 6's winner Bianca Del Rio who served us some clown realness. The meaning means the devil a.k.a. Satan will not get in your way today.
"I was wondering if you were going to turn out a look that we haven't already seen before?" Said Courtney Act

" Not today Satan, not today." said Bianca Del Rio
by Officialextazy January 18, 2015
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When a evil blood sucking succubus tries to ruin your friends or your life.
When your friend's ex ask you for his new number. Not today Satan
by GreatwhiteClark October 12, 2015
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